


69 WAYS TO LOVE

by petersgirl



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-06-10 09:40:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19499797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petersgirl/pseuds/petersgirl
Summary: Jax has the gavel along with Tara's heart. He must be true to the club and his family. Find the outlaw balance between might and right. The king of the table by day; the prince of her dreams by night. Jax will teach Tara how to get right with the club. She will teach him to love the right way. When they work together, there is nothing they can't do.





	1. Number 1 WAY TO LOVE; Support them through the tough times

**A/N: This started out as a one shot. Well, if you have ever read me I get wordy. With some encouragement of readers I am going to write it as a story as long as there is interest in it. If there isn't any, it will only be a few chapters long. Every other chapter will be Jax and then Tara showing the different ways they love each other.**

**Chapter 1**

**Number 1 WAY TO LOVE; Support them through the tough times**

* * *

Being loved deeply gave you strength. While loving deeply gave you courage. There was always a certain madness in love. But there were reasons to the madness as well. Our greatest convictions were to love, be loved, love ourselves. Better yet, be loved in spite of our own true self.

It was where Tara played the biggest role in my life. She loved me in spite of it all. Never once had I felt less than, she had always accepted me just like I was. Her acceptance was what drove me to become a better man for her and my sons.

Although with greatness came the daunting responsibilities of it as well. With the gavel came the weight of it down on me. With my old lady at home alone came the regret of where I was now.

"What are you writing in the that damn notebook, Jackie?"

"Nothing really. Where is the rest of the club?"

Chibs was the first to come out of the whorehouse. They went to get their freak on with whatever had a heartbeat. I'd been there and done that shit already before I had her to go home to. While they done their thing, I jotted down what my sons needed to know about this kind of life. What they needed to know about their old man.

Before we left for home there was one more thing I needed to have done. I paced around the parking lot as I waited for her to pick up. "Hey, babe. I just wanted to say goodnight before you went to bed." Tara was about out when she answered the phone. I didn't keep her long but long enough to let her know I missed her and I loved her.

When you had one foot in the grave with the club and one foot out the door with your family. Eventually you had to choose between them. You could string both along for a while, pretend you had complete loyalty to both. Except they would force your hand for proof. I knew that would come eventually and I would be forced to choose.

"Let's go home, boys."

There was something thrilling when you flew down the highway at an excessive speed. You blended in and became a part of the road. I loved the long rides, it was just me and my thoughts. There was nothing but man and machine in tune as one. Even more of a thrill when you led the ride. They looked to me to lead them through everything. I looked to my old lady to help lead me through life.

It almost allowed me to day dream of the kind of life I've never had before; semi normal and uneventful. Tara told me stories of when she was in Chicago. I was almost jealous because I couldn't relate to any of them. Although in club, there was no dreaming it, you earned it, or you didn't survive long.

It worried me now how long Tara would survive with me and the club. If she would get sick of the life I had to offer her and bail on me. She seemed to have a hard time trying to adjust to it already. Some of it was Gemma not giving up the crown as queen. Again, I was stuck in between my mom and my old lady. That shit had happened since I was a teenager. It really wasn't anything new.

Up ahead of us, I had a much bigger problem to deal with at the moment. There was always some sort of danger around us. But tonight, it was coming at us with brute force. Nothing in all the world was more dangerous than unconsciousness stupidity. To believe we weren't in constant danger would get you killed quickly. There was always a target on the club and a bounty of some sort on our heads.

We zoomed on our bikes down the highway and Phil followed behind us in the truck with the precious cargo. Until I heard the long honk come from it, this run had been smooth sailing. Yet I should have known that shit wouldn't last forever because with us it never changed.

There was another crew, angry Chinese, Russians or Irishmen pissed off enough for retaliation against us. Tonight it was the Niners who ambushed our asses. By the time we got turned around and back to Phil the truck was blazing on fire. We were under fire too. They wanted to send us a message they were mad we interfered with the gang war of drugs and territory.

Little did they know, I had no fucking choice but to be Romeo's drug mule whore. I had a plan to for that shit to come to an end as well. But for now, I had to play by their rules to keep all of our asses outta jail. It was another problem which got put on hold to deal with what was right in front of me.

While we stood on the highway with no cover, they hadn't shot any of us. Someday I knew my luck would run out and I'd be killed in the club or end up with life in prison. It was the invertible. When I heard Phil it was time for action now, worry later.

"Get me out of here."

"Lay some down, Hap." He gave us some protection with the rounds of bullets he fired. We busted out the windshield to get the big guy out. I'd say luck was on his side tonight as well. He wasn't burned alive or shot down.

As the Niners drove away. They continued to fire on them but we had a bigger fucking problem. "Forget them, save the cargo." The truck was gonna blow any second. My priority was the save the blow we had in the back of the truck. The delivery was due tomorrow with Alvarez.

One more time someone was looking out for us. We got the crate out just in time. "Stash it in the woods. We'll come back tomorrow for it."

"Jackie, what about the guns?"

"I'll work out something with the Irish." Unfortunately the guns didn't survive the blast. You had to remain calm in a crises and show them you had it completely under control, even when you didn't. When the blue and red lights swirled in our direction, they were following the fire. "Everybody get the hell outta here."

It would just be another reason for them to start a new investigation. Another way for those on probation to get harassed regularly by the cops. Another lie told by me which I would have to play it out too. When I thought about it on the way back to the clubhouse. My life was a series of lies, deceit and deception. The truth was I mastered it. Although, there were times since I took over the gavel, I had trouble keeping it all straight. Or maybe now, I had gained a consciousness of my actions.

As I existed my bike, I let out a sigh of relief. I had made it through one more day. I lived to see another tomorrow. But all hell would break loose tomorrow when I told the Irish we couldn't come up with the cash for the guns.

Amazingly the lights were still all on when I made it home. Not only was she up, she met me at the door. Her arms flung around my neck to hold me to her. "Thank god, you're alright." Apparently the news already reached her before I could tell her what happened.

"I'm fine. It was nothing." The terror shown in Tara's eyes. She knew I was a con and could have died tonight. "How much do wanna know?" This was where I let her make her own choice, her call. JT said you gotta tell your old lay everything or nothing at all. I was trying a new way in the club and with her.

"All of it."

The more I confided in Tara, the closer I felt to her. She never judged me or as much as looked at me differently. I could confess my sins to her without fear. There was total trust between us now. It still made me wonder though if it would stay this way forever. If she would always love me through the tough times.

**SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~**

When nightmares were all you seen when you closed your eyes, they weighed on your mind. It wasn't like I painted my own nightmares, I just painted the reality of them. It was the reality I must face sooner or later.

The sweat from my body made the sheet stick to me. I finally kicked off and set up on the side of the bed. With all the shit running through my head, I had to get it together. As Tara came in to get dressed. I gave her my fake smile. Or I thought I had.

"What's wrong, baby? Are you not feeling well?" She felt my sweaty forehead because she was in doctor mode. Without a warning she took a step back and just stared in my eyes. "What is going on?" It made me happy she could read me so well. Then sad because she could read me so well.

"I gotta figure out a way to deal with the Irish today. We don't have the cash to pay them for the shipment on the truck."

Very slowly she set down beside me on the bed. She took my hand in her two and just held on to it for the longest time. "You will, baby. You always make it work." If I could only channel her confidence. However, it did make me smile at least she believed in me. I gave her a long kiss. Only for it to be interrupted by someone at the front door.

When she went to answer it, I stopped her. I would take the lead on this because who the fuck knew what was on the other side of it. "Hey."

"Morning. You got a second?"

Bobby and I went to the kitchen table to discuss the Irish. Tara poured us a cup of coffee. She truly liked him and welcomed him in our home. "Did you get a hold of Gaylen?" Bobby was hesitant to speak about club business as she fed the boys breakfast. "Tara already knows everything."

Once I told him that, he talked freely. While I handled Alvarez, Bobby would set the meet with the Irish. "If you can't get me on the phone, call Tara. She knows what to do."

"Will do."

We had a plan in place. How we would contain this shit once again. "Love you." I kissed the boys and Tara goodbye.

"Don't forget, I have my hand appointment today. If you can't make it with everything going on I understand."

"I won't forget and I'll be there." I kissed her hand too. The entire reason she was going through this was my fault. It happened on my watch and the blame solely fell on me.

When you were an outlaw, you didn't have set hours as bankers and others had. Most of our business occurred at night for obvious reasons. I done my best to keep the day moving along. When it came time to drop off the funds to Romeo. He was pissed off too we had no guns to give him.

"How long is this going to take?"

"As long as it does for us to get more." This went on for about a half an hour. Each fucking time it drew the same conclusion, we'd have more guns for him later. "I'll have Bobby call you once I settle up things with the Irish. I gotta go, Tara has an appointment for her hand."

"How's your old lady doing anyway?"

"What the fuck do you care? You helped Clay cause it."

"I'll finish up here. You go with Tara." Bobby knew I was getting pissed off and intervened between us. It was one score I would settle. I just had to get past this shit before I done it.

Literally on the run inside of the hospital I made it just after they called her name. "She just went into room number three."

"Thanks."

Tara seemed truly surprised I made it. "I'm sorry I'm late."

"I'm just glad you're here." I held her other hand while the doctor completed the examine.

"It's not healing as well as it should. You will need to have another surgery."

She let a long sigh. "Okay. When?"

"I'm afraid I can't do it and if you choose not to. You will loose most of the use of your hand. I want to send you to a specialist in Texas. He is the best orthopedic surgeon there is." The doctor continued to spew details of the surgery and what would be needed for complete recovery. Along with the estimated cost of it all. "Would you like for me get the appointment scheduled with his office? So he can examine you himself."

"Yes." I was quick to answer him. This would end her career and not to mention, she couldn't use her hand again.

"Maybe later." Tara gave him a completely different answer.

"I'll give you some time to discuss it." The doctor stepped out to give us some privacy.

"We can't afford it. Especially with me not working. Jax, we don't have the money for this."

"Babe, I will get the money. You don't need to worry about it, let me worry about it."

Tara rested her head on my shoulder as I wiped away her tears. I wanted to take her pain away like she had mine in the past. I wanted to be there for her like had for me. I wanted her know she could count on me through the though times like I had her.

"Have the doctor schedule the appointment. I'll go with you to Texas and let's see what he had to say."

"Okay."

When the doctor came back in the date was set. I had two weeks to pull off a miracle, not get killed by the Irish and keep the club afloat. Once Tara filled out the paperwork and was ready to go, I came up with a plan. "I'll meet you back at the clubhouse. I love you, babe."

On the ride there, I worked it out in my head how it would all go down. How I could get the money we needed. About half way there Bobby rode up beside me on the highway. He had sort of an idea where I was going with it. There was still a lot of shit to work out though.

"Are you ready to do this?" He asked me a question he already knew he answer to. I was born into this shit and I flourished in the site of danger.

"You know I'm doing this for my family, right, Bobby?"

"I get it, man. We still have to take it to the table for a vote."

"And we will once we nail down the details."

The devil was always in the details. In this case, the devil stood before us with money to burn in hand. There was a slim chance in hell the club would agree to the terms. I just had to get the votes somehow. I failed my old lady before and it wasn't an option to fail now.

"We'll be in touch." Bobby and I both shook the mans hand. It was far from being a done deal yet.

"I expect to hear from you soon, Jackson."

Our bikes were homeward bound. Tara was pacing around out front with Thomas in her arms. The way she bounced him, he must have been fussy. Abel wasn't far from her either. He never was now. I could tell her mood and the boys by her actions. She opened herself up to me like an open book. I still had a lot to accomplish to get myself to that point with her.

The prettiest smile crossed her face as I approached them. If I could keep this moment alive forever, I would. To remember exactly how the women before me has changed my life for the better, how much she meant to me and what a great mother she was to my sons.

"Let's get the boys home."

There was something about the sanction of the four walls of home. It offered a refuge from the evil shit I done throughout the day. It gave me a sense of belonging without pretending I was something I wasn't. It offered me a brief amount of normalcy.

While I watched Tara lovingly get the boys ready for bed, I listened to the tune she hummed quietly to herself. It made me even more determined to make everything work. I leaned my head on my hand which rested on the couch arm. I was tired of thinking anymore today.

A soft warm hand brushed against my cheek. "I think it's time to put my big boy to bed now."

If I had to admit it, I liked to be babied and pampered. None of us guys would ever say it out loud but we did. She had bought a wooden massager with little balls which rolled around for her hand. The warm oil she rubbed in with her good hand felt so good on my tired back. But when she pressed down and those balls reached my muscles, I was in heaven.

Or so I thought until the massage ended. When I rolled over, she untied her robe and her naked body straddled me with heaven. Tonight, I wasn't the head of the table. Yet she was still my queen of everything. It wasn't just sex I needed, I needed to feel her and have her show me I was her man. I was her king.

With her warm wet pussy she massaged my cock as she rode it. As I lifted up my arms went around her so I could bring her body close to mine. The sweat between us made our bodies slide with ease against each other. My arms tightened the more she moaned from the feel of me.

My cock continued to drill her while my heart loved her. Her wetness was running down my balls. They slapped her pussy each time I moved inside her. The rhythm we had didn't change until she pushed my arms away from her.

She had another idea of how this would come to an end. Her ass moved on top of my cock as she reached around with that damn massager. The wooden balls rolled on my balls as my cock was about to blow. "Fuck." I grabbed her sweet ass in my hands and helped her pound me there.

After we both came and kissed for a bit. She settled herself beside me on the bed. "Do you think we're perfect for each other?" It was a loaded question from me because I wasn't certain how she would answer.

"Perfect men or women don't exist. There is one person who is perfect for us and for me it's you. If you believe in me back I will love you forever through the good and bad times."

Tara made very thing sound so damn simple. Simple wasn't a word in my vocabulary especially in the club. Maybe I need to allow myself to enjoy the simple things in life with her. If I done it more it could make life easier.

"I've always loved you. Even after you left Charming, I kept you in my heart. I worry you will wake up one day and realize you can have a better life than I can ever give you." Once you let something out of a bottle, it wasn't contained anymore. I let those words out caught up in this moment. With the hope she wouldn't think I was weak or would used them against me later.

She snuggled her body as close to mine as she could get. Gave me a kiss on the chest where our son's name was too before she laid her head on me. "I'm here, baby. I will always be here, Jax. As long as you want me to be."

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me!**

**HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!**


	2. Number 2 WAY TO LOVE; Be spontaneous

**Chapter 2**

**Number 2 WAY TO LOVE; Be spontaneous**

**You guys know how I do this. I read it a couple of times, it's late and I will fix my errors tomorrow.**

* * *

Life was a series of natural and spontaneous changes throughout it. When two people decided to get married, they became one heart, one mind and one soul. It brought on changes which were to enrich you both as a couple. No matter how much we planned for us time so we could celebrate our martial union to allow our relationship to flourish, it felt like we were winging it lately just to steal a few hours to be alone without interruptions.

Sometimes the greatest memories or monumental events were made at the most unlikely places. Adventure was allowing things to flow around you so the unexpected could happen. Part of it was you took the leap and left the comfort of home along with your normal surroundings. Yet, when we tried to escape this town on a whim to have husband and wife time or time with our children to enrich those relationships. We never made one single planned or unplanned vacation getaway. I need my husband and the boys needed their father.

Jax was the monkey in the middle between us and the club. Since he took over the gavel, he was pulled a part until there was nothing left to give anyone. They all wanted a piece of him. I just wanted his love and everything which came with it. As much as I wanted this for my family and myself. Jax needed it even more. Caring for yourself was not self-indulgences it was self-preservation because eventually you were wore down so badly it effected everyone around you. I could see the signs already wearing on him.

There were those fleeting moments which he almost disappeared before my eyes as the man I once knew. He had been the strongest person I'd ever met, mentally and physically. Now, he suffered by not sleeping half the time. The other half I felt he was just going through the motions. It was the mental and emotional part which worried me the most. I couldn't pinpoint it, but I knew the breakdown was coming in the near future. They had push him to the breaking point. He never got a moments peace.

Worse was what his mother had done to her son. Gemma had exploded their relationship into pieces. Now, she was just a horrible person every day after Clay wasn't at the head of the table anymore. Since he lost all his power over the club and Jax, so had his mother to a certain extent. The more distance Jax put between them the more she put a choke hold on him. She still fought and clawed anything in her way to hold power over both. There wasn't anything she wouldn't have done to drive a wedge between us. There wasn't anything she wouldn't have done to become the club's little darling again. There wasn't anything she wouldn't have done to get me out the way.

What she failed to realize was I wasn't interested in the power of the club, she could have it and shove it up her ass for all I cared. What was most important to me was my family and their well being. What would happen no matter what had to be done; I would protect my boys, including Jax.

Although this would mark the moment I began the process to cut ties with Gemma. There was no way in hell I would leave my sons in her care. She wasn't even responsible enough to care or respect herself these days. It worried me she wouldn't deliberately hurt them but they would get hurt because of her. It probably wouldn't be intentional but until she got her act together and life straight she couldn't be trusted with my babies.

"I don't trust Gemma with them. Nita is amazing with the boys. She dotes over them, treats them as they are her own children and she has my complete trust." Jax didn't say much when I presented him with the facts and my feelings on the matter. My heart sank because I knew he would take his mothers side. Then his unprompted response came, I let a sigh of relief. It gave me a peace of mind they were cared for and safe.

"You do what is best for the boys." He grabbed his leather from the back of the chair and gave me a kiss along with his sons. I followed him to the door because you never knew what the day would bring for him. I liked to see him off in the mornings and tell him I loved him.

"Are you going to tell Gemma?"

Jax's lips almost smiled when they were pressed to mine. "I thought you'd do it. Babe, you got to deal with her. At least for now until I figure something out. Love you."

"I love you too."

The less I worked the better of a home maker I became. I got my routine down of the daily chores and even on a schedule. Once Jax left, the dishes were done and laundry also. From there the beds were made. Then usually I spent time with the boys until it was time to fix lunch. Today, would be Abel's first day in daycare so the chores would have to wait until this afternoon. It was important he socialized with children his own age. To develop necessary skills, learn to play with others and get prepped for kindergarten. For now, he would only do a couple of days a week. When I went back to work or should I say if I ever went back. He would go full time and so would Thomas. They would only be minutes away from me if something happened or they needed me.

"Mommy, I'm ready." Abel looked like a big boy. With his back pack on and he was anxious to go.

On the way there he asked me all kinds of questions about it. The lady took him around and introduced him to the other children. I felt a twinge of regret because I had to let my baby go. It was the first of many occasions before he was grown. However, when my son made a little friend to play with, I knew this was the right choice for him.

"I will pick them up around noon." Since this was the first time here, I wanted to make this a brief period they were away from me.

"Don't worry. They will be well cared for." She handed me a Kleenex. I knew it was silly for me to cry because I had to leave them yet, I still done it.

Although it had upset me to leave them. The worst part of my day hadn't came yet. I headed to the clubhouse for a face to face with Gemma. This was another thing I become better at as well. I dropped in on the club more to develop my outlaw social skills. Not all of them welcomed me with open arms either. I done this for Jax not them. So I didn't care what they thought of me.

"They're in the chapel. Want some coffee?" Phil was always polite and kind to me. He wasn't a conversationalist but I certainly didn't mind being around him.

"Sure. Black with..."

"Two sugars." He already knew. I noticed he was meticulous with small details and had an excellent memory. I understood why Jax liked him.

"Thank you." Dirty Phil fit in the club well. He nodded but showed no emotions back to me.

Some of the women had finally woke this morning from whichever bed the spent the night at. With us leaving for a week, I wanted to put something together for the club. Sort of a happy send off for Jax. This was where I sucked it up, forgot about the past and moved forward with Jax as the new president.

"I want to do a breakfast on Saturday. Can any of you help me?"

Since I thought they would blow me off like normal. When they all agreed to help, I was happy. We came up with the menu and what time we would meet here already. They gave me their names and phone numbers too. It definitely gave me a confidence boost I belonged.

Then Gemma came in the clubhouse. Everything changed immediately. The girls existed quickly to get away from her. Unfortunately, I wasn't as lucky as they were and had to speak to her. First, she stumbled her way to the bar. In slow motion she made her way up on the chair. I'd say she probably had one hell of night from the looks of her.

Phil gave me a refill when I set my coffee cup on the bar. I tried to remain calm with her even though my patients had reached their end. "Good morning."

"What's so fucking good about it? Where are the boys?" Maybe she had slobbered up enough now to notice they weren't here.

This was going to be more difficult than I anticipated. When the doors opened up, the guys filtered out to the bar. I would put my talk with her on hold until we were alone.

"I'm going to talk with the Irish tomorrow afternoon." Jax whispered it to me before he gave me a kiss. "I'll see you tonight. Love you."

"I love you too."

"Jackson, I need to talk to you." Jax acted as though he hadn't heard her. But we all knew he had. So, being Gemma, she wasn't just going to let it go either as she followed him out the door.

The fight had already occurred between Jax and Gemma in the parking lot. He just thought I was going to be the one who broke the bad news to her. With my arms crossed I stood in the doorway of the clubhouse. I continued to listen to Gemma whine about how unfairly I treated her. She knew nothing about what fair actually meant.

"Tara is their mother. She decides. Work it out with her."

"Jackson, it's lazy to allow other people to raise our children and you know it."

"They are mine and Tara's boys. Not yours and you have no fucking say in it. I gotta go. I don't have time for this shit." Jax finally got tired of his mother. Hell, I'd been tired of her for years. He got on his bike and went to do his thing.

Of course, it left me to battle mommy dearest on my own. Bobby had watched it all too. He knew what was coming next as she headed in my direction. "Want me to run interference?" It was his polite way to say, Gemma was coming after me now.

"No. I got it." There came a time when you had to be strong which I stood right where I was. She would not bully me to get her way. She would not mow me over as she had in the past. She would not have the power over my sons which she still held over Jax.

Bobby lit up a smoke and waited for the fireworks to begin. If Gemma was nothing else, she was fucking predictable. It was her way or no way. This time it was my way and she wouldn't change my mind.

At full charge Gemma was on her way. "I want to see my grandsons."

"Not today, they are in daycare and in your condition. You shouldn't be anywhere near them. Since were on the subject. The boys are coming with me when I go to Texas too. Nita will help watch them."

"You are not taking my grandsons anywhere." Gemma stoked fear when she couldn't manipulate you with her not so wonderful charm. I'd fallen victim to it numerous times. Only when it came to my children, she couldn't manage either one with me. She got within inches of my face. I done it back to her to get my point across as well.

"Want to bet. You reek of booze, weed, cum and piss. I trust Nita with them, not you." Gemma had been on a tear of horror. The problem was she took down everyone around too. Perhaps, it was an unconscious action she wasn't even aware of. Or she knew exactly how to work the crowd. I'd seen her put them against each other if it was what it took for the outcome she wanted. She done it with Jax and I all the time.

"Bitch." None of her other tactics had worked. So, she switched it up a bit.

"You don't scare me, Gemma. My sons come first. If you like it or you don't, it's just the way it is."

The situation was escalating. To be the bigger person, I went to walk away, end this crazy shit. There really wasn't anything else which needed to be discussed between us. Only, Gemma, felt she had to retaliate against me. My head flew backwards when she grabbed a handful of my hair.

"Get off me." Before I could even spin around and respond. Gemma screamed it at Bobby and Juice. Bobby had grabbed her around the waist until she finally let go of me. When I turned around, Juice stood between us as well.

"Enough, Gemma." Bobby let go of her and waited to see what she done next. Gemma stomped her way to the office where she belonged.

Before Gemma went inside the office I wanted to make certain she fully understood where I was coming from. "You will not poison my sons like you have their father. You will not see them alone until you get straightened out either." It was the evil look and defiant nod she gave me. This was going to be war with her. Then it just would have to go down like that.

"Are you alright?" It was sweet Bobby was concerned about me. This however had been her behavior for the last couple of months. They may have chosen to overlook her and turn the blind eye to it, I wouldn't any longer.

"I'm fine." I wouldn't let her ruin the rest of my day. Nor the plans I made with the girls for Saturday. I went to the kitchen to make a list of things to purchase for it.

On my way out I was surprised to see him here. He pulled his bike up by the picnic table. "Is Jax around?"

"No, Jax is gone. He will be back this afternoon."

"Thanks."

"Opie, wait." Other than those words I was uncertain of what I should or shouldn't say to him. "How are you doing?"

"Okay, I guess."

"I know coming here isn't easy for you. I really want..."

"I gotta go." There was nothing else I could have said to stopped him. The sight of Clay made Opie's jaw tighten and his eyes were on the wild side. His actions mirrored his feelings of hate and despair. At this point, it was better for Opie to let him just ride away.

Clay was here to console the queen in her time of need. She caused a problem then instantly became the victim of it as well. But really, he just wanted to weasel his way back to the head of the table and Gemma's bed. I could have puked while I watched them play nicely with each other. She was running a twisted game to plot against Jax with Clay, I could feel it.

"Well, two can play that game." It was a vow I said out loud to myself.

Clay made his way to the clubhouse. Like Opie, I had to exist before I blew up too. When Clay felt it was alright to talk with me, all I seen was red. "What did Op want?"

"What we all do. For you to die, Clay." Needless to say, we didn't speak again. He went his way and I went mine.

_**SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~** _

A sudden sadness struck me when I cleaned out my patient files. They hired someone to temporarily cover my absence. It felt more like a permanent replacement as this point. It came out of the blue too. I'm not certain why it surprised me so much. They had a hospital to run after all and could do so without me.

When the knock came on the office door I assumed it was her to retrieve my files. Only to find Margret on the other side of it.

"I heard you are going to Texas to see Dr. Richards. I have a place you can stay. May I use your computer?" She wanted to show me a rental house. But she hadn't heard a word I said about not spending extra money right now. "It has a nice back yard with a pool so the boys can go swimming."

The house was large in a tranquil setting from what I could tell from the pictures. It made we want to take a dip in the pool, with a small pool house off to the side. With a complete lounge area and an outside bar too. "It is beautiful. We can't afford it right now." The sticker shock of it was my reality. Since I hadn't worked in months, our cash flow dwindled to nothing. With surgery on my hand, it could crush our finances.

"You can afford it if it free, right?"

"How can it be free?"

"Consider it a wedding present from me and Dave. I will have everything setup for your arrival."

Dave's family owned numerous rental properties. After his parents passed they decided not to sell of their assets but invest in them. Marget was giving us a free week there.

"Thank you, so much. I don't know what to say." I hugged her from the bottom of my heart. This would be like the honeymoon we never got the opportunity to have. My affection and emotions spilled over at her act of kindness.

"Say you will leave the property clean. It's all I ask."

"We will. I have to go home and pack."

Actually, I couldn't wait until Jax came home to tell him. This was the best news I had in a while. First I went through the boys drawers to get them ready to go. I made a list of items to purchase for our trip. We were actually leaving Charming. The circumstance around it wasn't the greatest but I'd take it.

Then came the hardest part, to convince Nita to leave Charming and come with us. She was very religious woman and never missed Sunday service at church. Yet, it was a free vacation for her as well. We would give her time to herself when we done things with the boys.

Which I went on the internet to find out what they had for attractions in the area. The boys hadn't ever been to a zoo or amusement park. "Abel, come here, baby."

His excitement was hard to contain. He set on my lap while Thomas napped and we looked at everything surrounding the house we could find. It was another list, things to with the boys. It was Abel approved already. I gave him several kisses before he went to play.

"Nita, will you watch the boys while I go shopping? I won't be gone long."

"Take as long as you like."

When you had to shop on a budget it wasn't as much fun. Although, I probably splurged more than I should have. I bought us all swimsuits, lots of sunscreen, water toys for the boys and some surprise items just for Jax. This would be an awesome time for me to step up my bedroom game as well.

Which staggered me he was home early today by the time I made it back. The first thing I told him was about the free house. Then came the part I didn't care for. "Nita won't come to watch the boys. She doesn't want to miss church. There is a bible revival near by but she wasn't interested."

"Get her on board, babe. Pay her double if you need to."

"I don't think it's about the money."

"Well, lets find out." I followed after Jax because he had a plan. When she told him no as well. He done what came normal to him. "Here is a donation to the church." Jax shoved cash in Nita's hand. I wasn't certain how she perceived the gesture. She seemed more of a woman who valued principals over belongings. It was a trait I adored about her.

"Child, I cannot be bought. I spent years getting away from the life and believe in God now. I will make you a deal. If you agree to attend the revival with your family. I will go with you."

Well, I was certain on Jax's stance on the matter. He shook his no. "I can't do that."

"Then, I'm sorry. You will have to find another babysitter."

What Nita hadn't realized was she wasn't just their babysitter. She was the grandmother I wished they had. In a deliberate effort to plead with Jax to change his mind. "Please." I clasp my hands together and rested my fingers on my lips.

From off the cuff, Jax let out a long loud sigh before he negotiated the terms. "Fine. I'll go for one hour and no more."

"Deal." Nita was pleased with herself yet it would take more than this to change Jax's heart. She gathered up her belongings. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Once she left I had some words with Jax. "That's my sexy outlaw."

"What?"

"I find you most attractive when I know you love me and boys." My tongue wet my lips before they rubbed against his ear. "I promise, I will make it worth it. I bought some crotch-less underwear and a whip today."

"The hell you say." He smacked my ass as I walked away from him. I was giggling because I found happiness with him. A happiness I would not allow anyone to ruin. As I glanced over my shoulder to my husband, to my lover and I hoped someday he would become my best friend. I knew in my heart all the reason what he done in the club didn't matter to me. As long as we were together and happy.

"Oh, before I forget. Opie came by the clubhouse looking for you."

"Did he say what he wanted?"

"No. Clay showed up and Opie left before I could ask him."

"Op hates me. He has every right to."

"I don't think he hates you, Jax. He is hurting from all the tragedy in his life."

"Yeah." Jax went to the living room. His mood went to sadness. I knew what Opie has meant to him, he wasn't just a club brother. In Jax's heart, Opie was blood.

To me it was clear what needed to happen. So, the next day I took it upon myself to get it done. Opie had been the most hurt, abused and alienated because of the club. They killed Donna and Piney, it left him to live with the aftermath of Clay's actions. His family was wiped out by those he trusted, which was the dagger through the heart. It even became a bigger problem when he had to hide the facts from others at Jax's request. Opie had been betrayed by the club and by Jax in his eyes.

It was when thing went bad between them. Opie could no longer call them brothers or stand to be around them. Only because he didn't understand why Jax would side with Clay and not him. As president, Jax made decisions on what was best for the club and not his best friend.

Poor Opie was left on the outside of things because he wasn't aware of the truth. Clay had to stay alive to keep them all out of jail. Poor Jax had to live with the truth daily to maneuver around it. He suffered the consequences as well.

Before I knocked on the front door, I thought long and hard about how this would play out. If Opie would even speak with me. But I felt even if it took a wrong turn somewhere, it was still a step in the right direction. So, I knocked and waited.

Only I was met with the barrel of a gun. "Hi."

"Are you alone?"

"Yes." Opie was at ease when he peeked out the door and no one else was with me.

"Did Jax send you?"

"I came on my own. To see how you are. I brought some groceries too."

"Thanks but I'm alright."

Opie was anything but alright. I had to for once, agree with Lyla. Donna still had a strong presence in this house. The coffee cup with her name on it set by the pot on the counter. Her mom blanket was thrown across the rocking chair in the living room. All the pictures the kids drew for her hung on the frig. Opie had touched nothing since she had been gone. It was heartbreaking to see it and heart warming in the same breath to feel the strong love between them. Not time nor a porn star could stop their love.

"Actually, I need a favor." Opie listened to what I had to say but never commented. "I want you to watch over my children when they travel to Texas."

"A club detail." He huffed the words outs and spat the club part.

"No it's not. It's a favor to me. Your kids can come too."

"I'm not fit to be around them. I'm not good like Donna. She was the saint and I am the sinner. It's what got her killed. I shouldn't be around your kids either."

"I disagree. I trust you more than any of them with my sons."

Opie was broken. His eyes were pleading for someone to help him find his way. This was where I took a chance on him. I couldn't share the secret Jax held on to. But, I could share mine. "I understand why you don't want to be around the club or Jax. I've been hurt by the club too, more so, Clay. He is the one who ordered the hit on me. He is the reason I lost my career and use of my hand. It's why I'm going to Texas, to get my hand fixed. I need you Opie because I trust you. I can't tell you anything else about it at least not right now and I ask you do not ever pass it along to anyone else."

After I gave Opie the bags of groceries I had to leave because I had to get to the clubhouse. "If you need anything, call me."

"I'll think about it. Going to Texas."

It was a small hurdle we crossed today. Yet, I knew I could stop and talk with Opie now. Maybe he and I wouldn't be considered friends but we could still lean on each other. I could be there for him. "Carrot cake." It came to me on the drive to the clubhouse. When we were younger, Mary would make the cake special for Opie. I remembered us at her table every time she had done it. The smile it always gave him.

What I didn't know was the amount of work which went into making a homemade cake. I grated carrots until my good hand hurt. A couple of hours had passed by when I finally got it in the oven. "Wow, I made a mess." As I cleaned the timer dinged. The cake was complete and had to cool.

"Doll, do you want some help?"

The girl must have seen me rub my hand. "You can help frost it if you want to." I definitely made the right choice when she got out the piping bags and began to decorate it. By the time I finished the cleanup, she put decorative carrots on it.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. If you need anything else, I'm usually here in the afternoons until Juice gets off work."

The girl looked rather on the normal side. She wasn't dressed like the crow eaters and didn't put layers of makeup on either. The best part was I felt comfortable around her. "What's your name?"

"Emma."

"I'm Tara."

We talked about everything under the sun until I had to pick up the boys. On my way I went by Opie's house again. He was out cutting the yard. The smile he wore when he seen the cake made it all worth it.

"I haven't had one in years. Thanks, Tara."

"You're welcome. I have to go to get the boys."

"Do I have to be around the club if I go to Texas?"

"Not if you don't want to be. I'll see you later." Sure, it was a large order to fulfill. I hadn't cleared it with Jax nor the fact he was part of the club too. Yet, I would find a way to make it work.

It had actually been a good day all around. Opie was happy with his cake. Tomorrow was set for the club breakfast. We were pack and ready for our trip too. Now, I had to pickup the boys and hurry home to finish dinner.

Another advantage of not working was I had time to prep meals ahead. I took the mixed up meatloaf out of the refrigerator and pressed in down in the pan to bake. As soon as I stuck it in the oven, I bathed the boys.

The house was clean, the boys were too and happy at the moment. Once the timer went off I took it out of the oven and checked the potatoes, dinner was about complete. I set down for a minute while I waited on Jax.

When I heard his bike I grabbed a cold beer for him and meet him at the front door. "I can use it, babe." He greeted me back with a kiss.

"How did it go with the Irish?"

"Shitty. But it's better than I thought."

Jax continued to tell me about his day as I finished up dinner. It worried me with the knowledge I obtained on the outlaw world. But it also made me happier because he wasn't keeping a bunch of secrets from me about club business. Once the food hit the table. It became all about family business. I ruled this table.

"We are going to see the animals. There is a bear, elephant, ducks and a monkey there."

"I can't wait to take you and Thomas to the zoo." Jax didn't require any prodding from me. Everything Abel wanted to see or do, his father wanted too.

There had been a switch flipped inside my husband lately of some sort. Never had I dreamed we would get along so well. Our relationship had taken a turn for the better. There was only two obstacles I seen; this town and his mother.

"Right, Mommy?" Abel had to repeat it for me because I was off in my own world.

"Yes. We will go swimming."

Until Abel was tucked in bed for the night his little talk switch had been flipped too. In the middle of his room was a pile of things he wanted to take with him. When my boys were happy I was even happier.

But, I wasn't every happy when I arrived at the clubhouse at the butt crack of dawn. Gemma had already taken over the kitchen and the girls. "We are having what I planned to." I announced it when I walked in the kitchen. The girls stopped and looked between her and I.

"What's your problem?"

"I don't want to fight with you this morning. So please, Gemma. Go amuse yourself somewhere else."

"Or you'll what?"

"You know for someone who wants to be in my boys life and in your son's life. You are burning the bridge to them."

Gemma voluntarily handed me the spatula and left without even an argument. Which, made me leery of her motives. Once I had the girls going on what I wanted done, I went out to call Jax to wake him up to get the boys ready. Only I never made it to my car to get the cellphone. Gemma was talking on her phone.

"I can't take this shit anymore. Tara is pushing me out. Please come to the breakfast, Clay. I need you..."

She continued to lay it on thick for Clay. I had already told her he wasn't welcomed here for it too. It didn't just make me uncomfortable with him around, it sent Jax into a tizzy. The more I listened to her conversation, I realized it was what she wanted, to ruin the day for everyone involved. She wanted to cause problems. She wanted to her way.

"Not this time, Gemma." I went back inside and used the phone on Jax's desk to call home. Then I came up with a plan to counter hers. Sure, it was dirty pool. But it was the only language she understood well.

The girls were in the groove when I made it back to the kitchen. I put the cinnamon rolls in the oven and setup the tables. Emma was kind enough to bring me a cup of coffee. "Thank you. I think we are about ready for the guys."

"What is that smell?" Tig inhaled deeply when he came out of his room to the bar. Emma had a cup of coffee for him also.

By the time the others filtered in we already had a coffee, juice and milk area set up for them. The food was carried out one dish by each of the girls. "You done a great job. Thank you for your help ladies."

Then I got distracted from what they were doing when I heard him. "Mommy."

"Morning, baby." I got Abel a glass of milk to drink until the others got here. Then I set him at the kids table.

"Thanks for doing this, babe." I got a quick kiss before Jax went to join the rest of the club.

"You're welcome. I wanted to do it."

"You're doing great, sweetheart." Bobby even gave me a peck on the cheek too.

"Thanks."

Everyone seemed to enjoy being together and the meal. Until Gemma made her grand entrance with that son of a bitch by her side. "Ah shit." Bobby set his plate down to get to the table where Jax set.

Of course, I didn't need to ask my husband how he felt about it. His hand gathered up to a force of evil action. Only to relax it then flex to a fist again. I knew those vise grips he made wouldn't go to waste when he had enough of this shit either.

Gemma wanted to show her son affection, I wanted to hurl. "Tara, did a good job."

"Yeah, she did."

"I love you, baby." She gave Jax a kiss before she went with Clay to get some food.

However, I wanted to beat her with the spatula I had in my hand, yet, I didn't. She played Jax all the time. She was nice when he was around. She really didn't think I had done a good job but she still said it. When it was just us, she was a hell cat that lived to make me miserable.

My focus had to turn away from Gemma before it angered me more. I went around to fill up coffee cups and then it was off to the kitchen to get more food. The loud bang of the door made me turn around. When he came through it. The tension eased up between Jax and Clay. Actually no one cared anymore about Clay or Gemma being here. Everyone's eyes was on him.

There stood a face none of them had seen lately or thought he would step foot in here again. Opie came in his normal clothes. He didn't display unity for the Sons of Anarchy. He adorned no reaper attire.

Life was full of revelations. They could shake your world like an earthquake or be as beautiful as rainbow after a summer rain. I guessed it all depended on how you perceived it. Which side of the spectrum you looked through. Unexpected problems were always a possibility in this type of situation. With Opie's uncertainties it could cause an irreparable rift.

Family was even a bigger word than I imagined before, wide and without limitations. If you allowed it to form as such, defying the easy definition of it to the extended family you loved. Opie had no one left except for his children and this damn club. As much as he hated them today, I prayed he would find forgiveness someday and come home to his family.

"Op." Jax was the first to welcome him with literally open arms. My husband longed for the bond he once had with his brother.

"I'm only here for Tara."

Opie pushed up his sunglasses over his stocking cap. He side stepped Jax all together. Honestly, I was proud of Opie for taking the first step to heal old wounds. Eventually it would lead to his freedom of the pain. He knew Clay would be present and chose to face it head on. I made certain Opie wasn't blindsided by it, but lets just say the rest were he even came.

"I'm glad you're here." I handed him a plate and he piled it high. I'd say he hadn't had a home cooked meal in a while. It was amazing the every day things which we took for granted.

"I'm going to Texas as you asked me to. I need a favor in return."

"What is it?"

"I want the club to know Clay killed Pop. He was a member too and it's only right."

"Opie, I have no say what happens in the club. You know I..."

"You have influence over Jax. At least try." My head nodded yes to Opie. But my heart spoke a totally different story. When it came to his club, I held no influence over my husband.

We set quietly at a small table in the corner alone to eat after Opie's request. The most important part was we done it together. It was rather pleasant until Clay passed by us to get seconds of food.

"Op."

"Don't fucking speak to me." I laid my bad hand on Opie's arm to remind him we were both hurt by this man. Also, so he wouldn't totally explode on Clay.

"Son, I just wanna see how you are?"

When Opie stood up Jax and the rest of the club got involved then. Jax had a choice to make, let it go and see where this went to. Or stand firmly by Opie and possibly expose his club secret.

But so had Gemma. She felt the need to get in the middle of shit when her input wasn't wanted. Clay finally walked off because he didn't want to tangle with Jax.

"Who the hell invited Clay?"

"I told your mother specially not to ask Clay to come but she done it anyway. Just like she always does."

My words enraged Jax or more so, his mother's actions. "You need to go. Now." It would be the only warning Clay would get from Jax. He buckled quickly when Jax spoke too. Then came the stunner by my husband. "Take her with you when you leave."

Opie need to have validation from Jax he was still a member of this club and important in his life. He also needed to see Jax stick up for him over the man who killed his wife and father. As Jax's wife, I needed to see my husband do the same with his mother. It hit me hard when I seen the similarities between Opie and myself.

'Jackson, I..."

"I love you. You're my mom. But if you can't come in this clubhouse and respect it along with my wife. Then don't come back, enough is enough."

This wasn't exactly the outcome Gemma had wished for. She knew she was defeated if she couldn't divide Jax and I. She began to gather up the dishes as Clay went out the door. This really wasn't what I wanted either. It was a choice she made, not me. Although I still felt slightly guilty.

"Come on, man. I'll buy you a beer." Opie nodded to accept Bobby's offer. They went to the bar and I went to start the cleanup process in the kitchen.

"You set me up, bitch." Gemma slammed the dirty dishes down on the counter near me. I was prepared for the fight she wanted between us, it was what this all came down to.

"You're right, I did. Pay attention, it's how it's done, Gemma. Jax loves Opie more than he hates Clay. You thrive on hate and I am all about the love. As soon as you learn to love as much as the hate you spew, we will all be better off."

_**SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~S** _

There was a long drive ahead in a lost soul. It was one who searched for acceptance, companionship, belonging or the equivalent of what they needed in their life. The slightest coincidence ignited a spark in the hopes to would lead to something meaningful. The open road led to your path of happiness, serenity and a better place in life. Or you hoped so.

The past was called the past for a reason. If you were constantly looking behind you, your eyes weren't focused on the road before you. If you wanted to drive forward, look through the windshield and just drive, not through the rear-view mirror. When your drive was moving your purpose, you must hold the wheel tightly or else your might miss the way.

We left at four in the morning to miss as much traffic as possible. My boys were still in bed asleep. As much as I wanted to wake them to say goodbye, I let my angels continue to sleep after I placed a kiss on each of them.

Nita had instructions of what I wanted done for the boys, the directions to Texas and she would drive Jax's truck to meet us there. During the ride I must have called home five times already to check on them. When it came to the sixth time, Jax took my phone from me.

"Babe, you just called an hour ago. They are fine. You said you wanted this trip to be about us for a couple of days."

"You're right." I put my phone away. I would call before they went to bed tonight.

"Are you hungry?"

"A little."

Jax found a burger place to pull over at. We both needed to get out and stretch our legs for a bit. While he filled up the car with gas, I went to the bathroom and waited for him inside. We ordered our food then got back on the road. I was past ready to get there.

But I wasn't prepared for how great this place was when we finally arrived at our destination. "Are you sure this is the right place?" I had my doubts like Jax had them. We stopped at the iron gate. As soon as I punched in the security code they automatically swung open.

"This must be it."

Once we were inside I was even more at awe. Then spacious living room had a television which extended across the entire wall. Abel would have excitement by watching his cartoons on it. Next I could have got lost in the massive kitchen. On the counter set different baskets of wine, cheese, crackers, muffins and bath accessories. The card attached was from Margret.

Jax carried in our bags and put them in the bedroom for me. His phone had went off for the last two hours constantly. "I gotta make a few calls first." When my smile turned to a frown. "I got club business to handle, babe."

"Okay."

While Jax done that. I put away our clothes and the groceries we brought with us. The chilled wine stocked in the refrigerator was calling my name. I poured myself a glass. When I really took a look around the house. It was beautiful here and sort of a storybook place to be at. When I sipped it down to the bottom of the glass, I checked my watch.

Jax had been gone awhile. I looked out the window and he was still on the phone talking away out by the pool. It was now or never, I went to the armoire to retrieve my suit. As I was tying the top around my back, I tried to imagine what he would be thinking when he saw me in this tiny suit. "Don't chicken out now."

With all the necessities in hand, I went out the back door. I even kicked off my flip flops before I headed down to the pool to go barefoot. I felt his eyes watching me walk, so I put a subtle emphasis on the sway of my hips. There was something erotic when you could let yourself go uninhibitedly. Since there were no one else but Jax and I around, I let go completely. With one hand I unhooked my swim top and took it off as I paraded myself past him. After I put a towel down on the lounger I laid down to sunbathe.

It got his attention, he immediately took off his sunglasses to get a better view. "I gotta go." I heard the phone close shut. The way his eyes came out of his head, he liked what he seen. I didn't even have to ask him to put lotion on my back because he was sitting on the edge of my lounger already.

Soon, I slipped off my bottoms too. l felt the warmth of the rays caress my entire body. A slight moan escaped me as it heated up my body. Now, Jax still busily focused his attention on the work before him. I knew he wanted to look at me and I gave him every available opportunity to do exactly that. What was better than knowing your man wanted you was the magnitude he wanted you.

My nipples became rigidly hard at the thought of what he could do with the bottle of coconut oil in his hand. "I don't want to bother you, Jax. I know you have club business to handle."

"I got business to handle, babe and it's you." Jax had a very sexy grin on his face which encouraged me to keep this going. His words were sweet music to my ears.

From his hand I took the oil and popped the top of it myself. "I hope you don't mind me laying out here in the nude while you work." The bottle was poised directly above my breast as it dripped down to my erect nipple. He watched intently as the oil oozed across my breast as my fingers spread it in small circles on my bare skin. It didn't take long before he took over and began to rub the oil around. The moderate pressure he applied made my back arch against his hand. I wanted more of it.

What I felt from him for the next few minutes was absolutely luxurious. The way he worked the oil on my skin, he played me like a fine tuned piano as a maestro would. His fingers went between my legs and they opened up wide to obey. His other hand control the bottle, he squeezed it, the warm oil trickled down my inner thighs from my shaven mound. The faster he moved his fingers, the closer I was to a release.

His plump girth brushed against my leg. I wanted to return the favor. It didn't take me long to get those jeans unbuttoned and pushed down. From my breast and stomach I allowed my hand to roam in the puddles of oil. I reached down and made my thigh covered with it. Then let it oil him up too. Before my hand took over the action.

My legs trembles as I stood to wait for Jax's instructions. "Why don't you get down on all fours and I will be able to handle my business better." I bent over on the edge of the lounge and rested my body on my hand and knees. My ass was arched high with the juices dripping down my inner thighs with anticipation.

Jax was behind me rubbing his massive girth against me. A gasp of air came out, it left me breathless, when he went inside me so deeply. The faster he stroked inside my walls, I felt as if I were about to explode. My body shook with glory and I didn't know how much longer I could hang on. To the edge of the lounger or hold back my orgasm.

There was no doubt about it, I was a slave to Jax's length and his heart. As we laid on the ground together, I was mesmerized by him. When our eyes met at that precise moment from pleasures of the flesh, I felt our hearts beat as one. Until both of our bodies were totally spent. I personally had never sunbathed before but hell if it was on my list of things to do again and soon.

"Wanna take a dip, babe?"

"Oh yeah."

The water was refreshing to our sweat covered bodies. It was fun to splash around, even more so since our naked bodies were relaxed from it. We played for about twenty minutes when our skin began to prune. I went to grab a towel when we got out to wrap up in only for Jax to take it away from me. He laid on one lounger and I laid on the other.

"Now all I need is a pool boy to bring me tropical drinks and this is paradise."

"Will you settle for a naked biker and ice tea?"

"Even better, baby."

All the way to the house I watched his naked glistening body walk to get me a drink. As he came back, the front view was even better. He was pure eye candy. Every step he took made a muscle bulge from somewhere. The beautiful smile he wore while he served me a ice cold drink, melted my heart.

"Damn, this is paradise."

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**I hope you enjoyed reading me! Only 67 more ways to go.  
**

**We explored spontaneous twenty two various ways in this chapter. Just like love is expressed in various ways; words, actions, affection, kindness, gratitude, sacrifices, encouragement, psychically, emotionally, etc... and most all expressed often for the one you love.**

**Have you wondered what would have happened if Gemma didn't have the power over the club and her son, Opie never died and if Jax had put Tara first once in while? We are about to find out. It's all about the love and the power it holds ; )**

**Thank you for marking this story as your favorite, alert or leaving a review.**


	3. Number 3 WAY TO LOVE; Be an active listener

**Number 3 WAY TO LOVE; Be an active listener  
**

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 **69~ The meaning. Other than the sexual one, which you know I will put in this story ; )**

 _ **When angel number 69 shows up in your life, it is a message from your angels concerning the attainment of your aims and the fulfillment of your potential. ... Angel number 69 is a sign from your angels that a cycle in your home and family life is coming to an end, which means that another brand new one is just beginning.**_

 _ **Angel number 6 is;**_ _ **stability, balance, love, and nurturing. Number 6 is the number of home, hearth, and family relationship** **s**_ ** _. An_ _gel number 9 is;_** ** _spiritual attainment, realization of your highest potential. Number 9 represents the end of an important chapter in your life. _**

**_Angel 69 is a combination of two angels; 6 & 9\. It is the highest angel possible to receive in your life; Tara (Angel 6) & Jax (Angel 9) _**

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A good reader was also a vivid dreamer. A good dreamer was also a excellent listener and learner. When your heart opened up to actually hear what they had to say the world changed around you. The way you perceived it and how you seen yourself in it. Then in some instances you changed because of it.

It took patients to listen to them speak and it took even more skills to pretend as though you were. You had to learn to read between the lines of what they actually said and what they actually meant. This only came with the true acceptance of what they had to say even when you disagreed or didn't like it.

You had to be in tuned with everything about that person. You took notice of their actions when the words came out of their mouth. You had to concentrate on their eyes, were they telling the real story. You had to welcome them in your world. You had to allow them to break through your barriers to reach you.

As my eyes popped open. It took me a minute to get my surrounds down and my mind to focus. Beside me Tara was stretched out in comfort on the bed. With a gentle hand I moved the sheet over her naked body so I wouldn't wake her up. She never got a break from the kids to sleep in. After I slipped a pair of shorts on, I had to look at her again before I left the room. The beautiful young girl I fell madly in love with. Was out shown by the woman she grew to become. Her growth was done far away from me and the life she left behind. In the end, she didn't need me for anything, she made her own way.

It was always in the back of my mind, was I worthy of her love? She was a professional, I was a criminal. She was intelligent, I was street smart. She was all that was pure virtue of goodness with the world, I was what was corrupt evil with it. Maybe I had to get just right with myself before I could get right with her love.

Although the biggest fear weighed on me daily, was would she suffer the same fate Donna had because of me? But I was fucking selfish, I couldn't and wouldn't let her go. I just had to find a better way to do this shit. My family and my club depended on it.

On my way to the kitchen I picked up the wet towels we dropped from last night. Then there was the flamingo pool toy we deflated from the fun we had bouncing on it. "I'll get another one." I wadded it up and threw it in the trash. Abel would expect it when he got here.

"Shit." When I flipped open my phone there was ten missed calls from Bobby. That was never good fucking news. All I had was a few hours off last night with Tara and it was fucking falling a part. With my smokes and phone I went out by the pool.

The same spot we loved in just hours ago took on a whole new meaning now. "What's going on?" Bobby filled me in on what I missed. "Jesus Christ, do you know who is behind it?" A new set of problems were coming around. I couldn't get past it no matter how hard I tried. Everything I done today created another mess to cleanup tomorrow. "Keep me posted. Is there anything else I need to know?"

"Brother, you're dancing in some dangerous territory with the new deal. We gotta bring it to the table. If the club finds out they won't trust you."

Bobby's words rang out in my head loud and clear. He was right they wouldn't trust me if they knew I made secret deals behind their back. But my old lady was depending on me and I couldn't let her down either. Tara never asked how I came up with the cash for her surgery and neither did the club. For now I how to play it out and hope I went in the right direction with it.

"I need you to trust me, Bobby. Keep this to yourself a little longer and I'll figure it out when I get back."

"Will do. Later."

To finally kick start the day I lit up a smoke and inhaled it deeply in my lungs. Really I didn't mind the fact I couldn't smoke in the house. It gave me an excuse to come out here and chill out. I'd never been out of Charming except for a run with the club I went on or to visit another charter. I did have the extended stay at Stockton prison the state gave me.

"Fuck." I really didn't want to vacation at Stockton again. If I couldn't get my head straight and figure some shit out, it was where I was head too.

As a leader, you didn't just lead them in an unknown direction with doubts. You had to know the way, go the way and show them it was the best way. You had to listen and hear them through the good and bad shit. The greatest leaders were not necessarily the ones who done the greatest things. You were the one who got people to do the greatest things. My old man believed that and I had to as well.

SAMCRO lost it's way after JT died. It all went to shit with Clay at the head of the table. We all went along with it and fell in to his trap. We shared the blame in it too. Would they say the same shit about me? Was I destined to die at the club's hands? Was I taking them down the same destructive path Clay had?

"Is everything alright, baby?" Tara joined me at pool side with two cups of coffee.

"Not really and I don't wanna talk about it right now. Tonight I will tell you everything, let's just enjoy the day."

"Okay."

She quietly nestled herself in the lounge cushion. Sipped her coffee and took in the scenery around us. When the wind picked up and the leaves moved to it, I was reminded about what she said last night when we laid out here together.

 _"If you listen to the the trees when they sway in the wind, their leaves tell you a secret. I think it's a lost art. But not the gesture. When I lived in Chicago, the windy city. I would set in the park for hours and just watch the trees. It always gave me a sense of serenity."_

No matter how hard I searched for it, I couldn't find inner peace. At times, I longed for it but it never came around. When I asked Tara about it last night, she put in terms I couldn't miss. You couldn't find peace of mind until you listened to your heart. She made everything sound so damn simple and easy.

"What do you want to do today? My doctor's appointment is in the morning and the boys will be here tomorrow afternoon."

"I don't care, babe. You pick. I'm just along for the ride."

Tara was happy to take the lead today. Really I could have cared less what we done as long as it didn't create a bunch of bullshit for me to deal with. After we showered she made a list. It made me laugh, she had a damn list for everything. She was structured and I flew by the seat of my ass to survive.

The first stop we made was to just sight see the town. She wanted to walk around and look at stuff. It was more fascinating to watch her reaction to everything. Once I seen her face as she gazed at the necklace in the store window. I knew she had to have it. Never once had she asked for it or made a reference to it. But it made her eyes lit up like those sparkly diamonds in it.

We walked for a while until she had to use the restroom. "I'll be right back."

"Okay, babe. I'm gonna look in the gun shop and I'll meet you back here."

She snorted a bit as though she totally expected me too. "Okay."

Tara had no interest in weapons and I knew she wouldn't come looking for me there. Although, I sure didn't expect what the sales lady told me. "The necklace is nine hundred dollars."

This was where I should have said fuck no and just walked out. But I didn't. "I'll take it."

"Would you like it wrapped?"

"Yeah."

With a box wrapped in pretty paper and a bow I walked down the street happy for once. I didn't wake up this morning with the sick feeling I always had. The nightmares didn't invade me last night either. Maybe there was something to this vacation shit that made you a happier person.

As a mother was passing me on the street. She tried to keep all her children together and near her. They didn't have a care in the world, they were exploring it. But she knew the danger of what the world actually held for them. It reminded of Tara and how she was with the boys.

That was when it was all made painfully clear to me. When you were a child, there was joy. There was laughter. And most of all, there was trust. Trust in your fellow man. When you were an adult, then came suspicion, hatred, and fear. If children ran the world, it would be a place of eternal bliss. Adults run the world; and there was war, enmity, and destruction unending.

The store window I stood in front of showed me a man of hate and fear. It was my own refection. As I stared at the man, I couldn't remember myself before the world labeled me for who I was. JT wrote he had lost himself in the club, he lost his humanity in the club.

When the black SUV with dark windows slowly edged by me, I snapped out of it. It cast a shadow on me and I no longer saw the man in the window. All I seen was danger headed around the corner. I ran to get to her. She was standing in the exact spot we were suppose to meet at surfing on her phone. "Tara." I screamed her name as I rounded the buildings to get her attention.

As she spun around to follow the sound of my voice. The van pulled up to the curb beside her. Three of them exited it with grey coveralls on. It was an instant reaction, it wasn't a calculated response from me. I didn't even think before I reached around and pulled my gun out. As soon as I reached them I slammed the one I grabbed up against the vehicle.

"What the hell is your problem, man?"

In the back of it was fucking flowers. I looked around to see a florist in front of us. Then I noticed the logo embroidered on their overalls; Hill Flower Farm. "I'm sorry I thought you were someone else." I pulled out a couple hundred dollars and offered it in peace to the guy. "I'd appreciate it if you'd keep this between us." He followed what I was saying. He shoved the money in his pocket and went on with his business.

"What is going on?"

"We need to get out of here." I escorted her quickly back to the car. My hand never left the small of her back until she was inside of it.

"Well, no shit, Jax."

Tara was a little irritated with me at the moment, rightfully so. We drove to the next town to have lunch. I promised she could do what she wanted to today. Never had I thought being relaxed and taking it easy could be so damn hard.

There was an outside place with fancy dishes on the table and umbrellas overhead in a matching pattern. While the waiter showed us to a spot, I watched the people around us. Some had ice tea while others sipped from a Champagne glass. With the way they were dressed and acted, I felt out of place. But not Tara she seemed to belong among them.

They brought us a roll Tara ordered which I had no idea what it was. The outer crust had powdered sugar and a fucking ton of it. She must have noticed my confusion. "It's a Beignet, a french pastry. They are really good. But don't inhale when you take a bite."

Hell, I didn't listen though I ended up with powdered sugar all over my face and in my hair even. When Tara leaned over and licked the thick coat of sugar from my lips, we both enjoyed it. I couldn't stop smiling at her. "I like it when you're happy, Jax."

"I'm always happy."

"No, baby you are not happy most of the time. I can see it. Even more so since you took over the gavel, the club is starting to get to you."

"The club is a part of me. It makes me happy, it's who I am."

"If the club makes you happy. Why are you always so damn sad?"

It wasn't a trick question Tara wanted to know about. There were no correct or incorrect answers to it. Yet, I had no fucking come back for it. So I done what I could to distract from it. It was another trait I mastered lately. "I'm not like you, babe. I don't have this inner peace to me or the time for it. I never get to distance myself from the club."

"If you distance yourself from all the negative, you will be peaceful without trying, Jax. After I left Charming, it made a huge difference."

"Are you sorry you came back?" There were a lot ways she could answer. I had to man up enough to just ask the question. Then brace myself for what she had to say about it.

"Not at all. I have you and my sons. It's all I need."

Tara was true to her words. She squeezed my hand in hers. She just held on to me and didn't let go. All the while I lied to everyone who I could get to believe me. The problem was, I believed the lies myself I've told over and over.

Finally I shook it off and was gonna end this outing on a happy note. I pulled the box outta my sweatshirt and set it by her plate. She let out a gasp before the smile came.

"What is it?"

"Open it, babe."

"Oh, Jax...this is...wow. It's beautiful and you are so sweet for getting it for me. But we can't afford it right now."

"You let me worry about money." It went immediately around her neck. She actually deserved more than I could give her.

"Thank you. I love you, Jax."

"I love you too, babe."

We spent the rest of the day just doing nothing at all but we done it together. The ballgame was on television when we got back. I couldn't remember the last time I caught one. Tara occupied herself with something else and told me to watch it while she was busy. I stretched out on the overstuffed couch. I had found my happy place right here. With a beer in my hand I killed the evening off with nothing on my mind except baseball.

In the process I must have passed out at some point. Something was touching my face when I woke up to candles being the only light in the room. Tara had dangled the end of a whips leather straps across my cheek. "Hi, sleepy head."

"What time is it?"

"Time for you to obey."

The whip slapped against the palm of her hand to show me she was in charge. She stood over me in something I never thought I'd see her in, a leather bra and panties. Her hair was swept to one side with a red rose clipped to it. It stood out against her dark hair. But it was her lips which fascinated me. The dark red lipstick she wore was nothing like normal. When they moved to speak, I licked my own.

"For the next hour, give me total control over you. Give me all your worries and fears too. I want all of you." My mouth hung open because fuck if I knew what to say back. The whip went under my chin to be lifted up by it to meet her eyes. "Are you listening to me?" When I didn't answer, I felt the wrath of her new obsession. Those leather straps strung my inner thigh as she brought it down hard on me. "This is where you say yes and obey me. Trust me completely."

Finally I stammered the word out. "Yes."

"Good, now follow me."

It was the movement of her hips I actually followed, as they shifted from side to side, it mesmerized me. I wasn't sure what the fuck happened while I slept but I liked it. We went to the bedroom, I didn't know what the thing was on the bed. But she forcefully pushed me down to it and pulled my shorts off herself. She didn't ask she just took what she wanted.

"Bend over it. Let it all go and give your power to me."

The hard leather wedge I propped my body over felt cold to my skin, it left me head down and ass up. It left me open and vulnerable. I was completely exposed to her in a weak state. To some degree I liked it but I'd never admit it. I wasn't the strong man everyone looked to for answers right now. I wasn't the one who was responsible for everyone. I wasn't anything but her boy toy to be played with.

With a small amount of pressure applied Tara straddled the back of my head while the whip done what it was intended for. With each strike against my ass, I released a little more of my power to her. I surrendered without a struggle. Her finger tips made contact with the burn left behind on my sensitive skin. It was a relief from the pain but it was the sweetest pain I'd ever felt. She was still taking my raw pain away. In life pain caused scars which would never heal, she put me on the road to a recovery with the cure of her love.

"Do you trust me?" Those red lips were right at eye level when she knelled on the floor before me. She was in total control but still submissive before me too.

"Yes."

It was all that had to be said for her to progress to become more dominant over me. This was new positions for us both. She pushed me off the wedge and I let her. When she pulled out the handcuffs, I was hard as a rock. Through the wooden slats of the headboard she pulled them through it, then locked my wrist securely.

But she wasn't through with that damn whip yet. The leather straps were dragged up my legs then she teased my balls them. The straps were wrapped around her hand as they helped her rub my cock. She stroked me hard and so fast, I almost lost it then. I'd always been in control of my orgasms, but not this time. She had taken control of them too and she done it with a sexy smile on her face because she knew.

When she finally straddled me with her panties still on and I felt her bare pussy rub against my cock through them. I went to grab her hips to move them faster. But I couldn't, because she took that control away from me too as the handcuffs stopped me.

Inch by inch Tara took me inside her, she was in no hurry to get us there. She controlled the movement, she controlled the pace and she controlled my heart and body. It was a full on rodeo in the bed. She rode me like a wild bucking bronco, breaking me little by little. Just as I was close to cumming I felt those stiff straps of leather with her authority come down on my balls. I was done for. But she kept going. Her head went back and she didn't get off this ride until I was completely limp. She couldn't get anymore to release from me.

In an instant the sexy bedroom master went back to my sweet Tara. She hummed as she slipped off the bra and panties to throw on one of my t-shirts. The rose came out of her hair too. With a run of her hand through it, my woman was back before my eyes.

"Do you want something to drink?"

She was off to the kitchen while I remained in cuff. "Are you going to take them off?"

"Only if you are a good boy."

"Love you."

Tara glanced over her shoulder on the way out. You could still see those red plump lips of hers. "You should."

We went to sleep shortly after. The night offered a refuge it hadn't before. I slept like a baby until Tara shook me it was time to get up already. We had to hustle to make it to her doctor's appointment.

The waiting room was packed too when we arrived. Tara filled out all her paperwork to see the doctor. I could tell she was nervous about it all. She rubbed her hand and said nothing to me. This was a make it or break it moment.

"Tara Teller. The doctor will see you now."

Before we went through the door Tara expressed those concerns. "What if this doesn't work? What if I lose use of my hand?"

"Babe, if we have to we will find another doctor and another. Until we get our hand fixed. Lets hear what he has to say then we will get a plan together."

"Okay." What she said wasn't how she actually felt.

It was another wait game until the doctor came in. I rubbed Tara's shoulders because she was tense as hell. When he came in her whole body was stiff.

"I'm Doctor Richards. Lets get started."Tara went through the surgeries she already had with him and what pain she felt in her hand.

He turn on the machine and brought up the inside of it on the screen. "See this, right here, it is what is causing your pain. It was severed in the accident. I think we can fix it."

"Will I have total use of my hand again?"

"At this point, I say you will have one hundred percent use of your hand again. But, it will take about six months after the operation. With down time for the healing process and physical therapy."

It was the most important question to me. "When can you do the surgery?"

"In two weeks."

Tara set perfectly still and quiet. While I let out a sigh of relief. After the doctor left I broke the silence. 'Babe, are you okay?"

"I never thought I'd operate again or do a lot of things."

"We will do whatever it takes to get this done." As I wiped the tears that ran down her face away. She leaned her head into my chest.

Tara was in a fragile state. She had always been a loving and caring person. But I realized she was daring and brave too. The repair of her hand had faded to an irreparable loss. But now, there was some hope. This life didn't always supply what we hoped for but it was close by this time.

Just like it was close to time for the boys to get here. We rushed back to the house after I made the down payment on Tara's surgery. She eased up a bit on the drive. We had fun together it only being us.

But, she was anxious to see the boys. They were just as anxious to see her. Abel went running to her as soon as we pulled up. Thomas's little arms and legs went crazy when his mother came in his view.

"Where am I staying?"

"There is a guest house past the pool. You and Opie can say there. Will you carry Nita's things in. I'll show you where to put them." Rat done what Tara had asked him to. For the most part he never gave me any flack or trouble.

Nita made certain I hadn't forgotten about our deal. "The revival starts at 7:00 p.m. tonight."

"Yes ma'am I'll be there."

Op was the last one left. He was taking his stuff out of the saddlebags. I had to reach out to him in hope he would back to me. "Did everything go alright on the trip here?"

"There is nothing alright between us, Jax. So, lets not play fucking pretend."

 **SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~S** OA~SOA~

When I woke I had to scoot out from underneath Tara. She had her head on my chest with her body draped across me and was sleeping still. Something over night had changed inside me. I had the sick feeling again. It made my stomach ache. I should've know the eased feeling I had wouldn't last long. I ran cold water over my face but didn't seem to help cool me off any.

Last night had about done me in. I told Tara I didn't feel well after the revival and wanted to go lay down. The truth was I had no clue what the fuck happened to me during it. The whispers turned to shouts in my head. There were a hundred conversations going on all at the same time. Not to mention I felt as though I was on fire down to my soul. What ran through my mind while I slept made no sense or at least what I could remember about it. As I wiped my face with the towel, from my reflection, I looked terrible in the bathroom mirror. Like I had a drunken all nighter but I knew damn well I hadn't.

From there I stumbled my way around this huge house to the kitchen. The boys were still out too when I passed by the room they slept in. There were so many switches for different shit it took me a minute to find the one which made the light work.

Just to get a glass of ice and water. I had to push a bunch of buttons on the refrigerator. One I pushed made the door transparent and you could see inside of it. "Well, look at that shit." I'd never heard of such a thing let alone seen it. "Maybe I need to get out more."

At least the faucet was old fashion. You turned the handle and water came out until you turned it off. The coffee pot didn't look too difficult to operate either. When I found cups I poured me one. As I looked up I seen Nita out by the pool. It was barely daylight and she was out there knitting.

"Mind if I join you?" She and I weren't exactly on a comfortable level with each other. She never spoke to me unless I spoke to her first. Tara loved her and Nita was good to my boys. But I still waited until she said it was okay before I set down with her. "Did you stay for the end of the revival last night?"

"I did. It was a very spiritual event. Did you like it?" I only nodded because what he hell was I suppose to say to her. "You know God speaks to us in various ways and through various things. I've heard of people touched by religious experiences when they hear his word for the first time."

"How do you know it's a religious experience?" This wasn't exactly my area of expertise. She seemed like a pro at it.

"From your actions last night. I'd say you had one. There are three types; the intellectual it will change the way of think about religion. The moral compass: a change in behavior, rejecting a destructive lifestyle in favor of a new, better one. Then the social experience: the acceptance of a new social group and way of worship. You tell me, child, which one you had?"

"I should get back so if the boys wake up." This was where this conversation ended. Nita was good at this shit. She didn't just imply it, she fucking said it to you. But, when in this spot I done what I always done. Deflected to something else.

"You can't run from it. God will start showing you signs and you can't ignore them. Mine came after I lost my baby girl. I was a horrible person and mother back then. I took my child with me to a drug deal, it went bad and she was shot. Since then, I dedicated my life to God and taking care of babies. I can't bring my little girl back but now, I can at least say, I am the kind of person she can be proud of."

"I should go." Once more I stated the obvious to her, I was leaving. I was uncomfortable with the topic and had to get away from her.

"Take this with you." She riffled through the bag of yarn. When she handed it to me, I hesitated to take it. "It's small and will fit in your pocket. I imagine your friends wouldn't be impressed if they knew you had it." She called the club my friends but they were my family. They stood with me in a time of uncertainty and chaos. I trusted them as much with my life as they done me with theirs.

"Thanks."

At the kitchen table I felt the cover of the bible Nita gave me. The rich leather felt like a cut to me. It was wild how I could associate a holy thing to a biker thing. Tara came up from behind me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Good morning." She noticed it too as I tossed it down. "Where did it come from?"

"Nita gave it to me."

"She is such a nice lady."

Tara continued to fluttered around the kitchen to fill up a basket. She selected muffins and fruit for it. I took notice when she bent over to something from the frig for it. I worked on the cup of coffee in front of me while she finished it off with a big bow tied on it.

"Where are you going, babe?"

"To take this to Opie and Rat."

From the kitchen window I watched my old lady walk across the lawn to the guest house. Her white cotton dress became one with her body. The sun shined down on her dark hair which contrasted the pure color. You could barley see the shadow of the outline of her body from the dress. She looked so beautiful, her look was radiant. Maybe I had never payed attention before just how much.

Since she came back to Charming. I hadn't seen her out of the role of the boy's mother, a doctor out to save the world and my old lady. The last couple of days had opened my eyes a lot. I'd seen many different sides to this complex, daring and delicate creature. Maybe I hadn't taken the time to notice her. But I sure had seen her in a new way now.

Op meet her before she ever made it there. There were no doubts how he viewed me. You didn't have to ask, he made it obviously known. But what I didn't know or see until they stood out there and talked for a bit was how comfortable they were with each other. Always before they had nothing in common other than me. I was what made them even be around each other.

When Tara got back I had to ask her. "How did you get Op to come here?"

"I asked him to."

"That's it, you just asked him?"

"Well, I did make him a carrot cake."

"A cake?"

"Don't you remember when Mary used to make them for his birthday and other special occasions?"

The blank stare across my face probably gave her what she needed to know. I had to go back so many damn years to when we were just kids. It seemed like a lifetime ago. Since I could bring back something pleasant from my childhood. It made me think about it for a while.

Tara had already gathered up the boys things to go to zoo. By the time I realized it was time to go. "Daddy, come on." Abel took my hand to get me out of the chair. At his age everything was fun and urgent.

"I packed us a picnic lunch. I think the boys will like it." Tara's words froze me in place. The last time we done this, I could have lost my family.

"Daddy, lets go already."

It put me on edge. Maybe it was paranoia setting in. Or maybe it was a repeat of what was to come still. I watched every car that came close to us on the highway. When we got out, I helped Tara get the stroller out from the back for Thomas. I took note of our surrounds. Who was out and about. Along with exit routes.

"Jax."

"Yeah."

"Are you alright baby?"

"Yeah."

Our first stop was by the tiger house. He was huge and definitely the master of his domain. The giant rock seemed small as he stretched his body out to sun. Tara read the facts to Abel about them. "Lions have a deep and bellowing roar, whereas tigers have this savage and in-your face kind of a battle cry." Fuck, I lived in the jungle of the street and I sure had the same approach, in your face.

My son made a claw with his little fist. "Rar..rar..." I'll admit it was cute as shit.

Tara done a good job with them. She wanted to make sure the boys seen everything and took a lot of pictures of them. When we walked through the bird habitat, one of them crapped on me. "Sure, shit on me, everyone else does." She laughed as she took out a wet wipe and wiped it off my shirt.

The next stop was to rest while we waited on the train so we didn't have to walk back. When I checked my phone we had spent fours hours here already. Thomas was about out and Abel was still going strong. I set with the boys while Tara went to get our tickets to ride.

Abel cranked the handle on the machine next to us. "Do you want one?"

"Please." Another good thing their mother had done with them, she taught them manners and respect. I'd like to take some of the credit for it but I was never around. Or not around enough anyway.

You put in two quarters and one penny in the machine. Then cranked the handle. It flattened out the penny to emboss an animal imprint on it. I let him keep doing it with all the quarters I had. He couldn't wait to show his mother.

"Look what me and Daddy did."

"Cool. Do you want me to put them in my bag so you don't loose them?"

Abel gave her all of them but one, the tiger penny went in his pocket. But his face told the store when the train pulled up. It was innocent child who was happy. I was so grateful at this moment to be a part of it.

"What sound does a train make, Abel?"

"Choo...choo...choo."

"Good job, baby."

Tara worked with them to encourage their development and growth. She always made time for them. She was always there for them too. "Good job, Mom."

"For what?"

"For just being you, babe."

Abel wanted to stay on the train when it came to a stop. But it was time to feed them and head back. Tara picked out the spot we stopped at. When I got out a looked around, she watched me. I shrugged it off as nothing. But she knew differently. Although she went on to spread out the blanket and food.

We didn't stay long until we headed back. The boys were tired but Tara took them out back to play. If they went to bed now, they would be up all night long. Thomas still fell asleep in her arms. She rocked him out by the pool. It made me smile when Abel caught his second wind.

But I stopped smiling when I spoke to him and he passed me by like I was invisible to him, I really was in eyes. "Hey, Op."

He went straight to Tara. It wasn't as though I was jealous of them. I was jealous he connected with my old lady in ways he didn't with me anymore. So, I had to try again. I went to join them.

"Maybe you didn't hear me. I spoke to you."

"Conceited people never hear anything but praise. I won't do that shit just because you're Jax fucking Teller. I've always been straight with you and the gavel don't change shit for me. To bad it does for you."

Op spoke the words which were now engraved on my heart. Maybe he was right, I lost my way too in the process of this shit. When we only heard and valued our own voices it echoed the emptiness inside us. I felt like I had been gutted by him and wouldn't be whole again until I set shit right. It was still a long road to get to. Especially when he walked away because he was tired of what I had to say.

Maybe it was to hear my own head rattle because Tara was the only one around who heard it. Maybe it was to soothe my own guilty. "There is nothing I can do."

"You rule the club with an iron fist and I get why, baby. I really do. But I agree with Opie on this. Piney died at the hands of a club member, there is no going back from that for him. Opie wants justice for his father. He is owed that much especially after Donna's death he didn't revenge within the club." I was in a catch twenty two position. There were two possible outcomes; I crushed my club or I crushed Op. I had no good come back to what Tara said. But she kept trying to reach me. She set my son in front of me on the table. "You look at Thomas and tell me. What would you except your sons to do if you were murdered by a member of your own club?"

Before I could respond I had to swallow hard the loathing stuck in my throat. There was no way I could stand to look in the face of my son or wife. "I can't do that."

"Then you can't repair the damage done to Opie. You are the club president. You decide what happens and what doesn't. You alone interrupt the rules then bend them accordingly. I've seen it. So, this one is on you."

The penitent ripple of her voice was the same as a cold dossing rain on my soul. But I knew I was as guilty as she made me sound. I didn't have to read between the lines to see my old was ashamed of me. Just like Op's hate, I felt it.

"Hell, I'm ashamed of myself enough for the both of us." Tara had already took Thomas to get Abel to play. Sure, she couldn't hear me but I said it out loud anyway. The first act to repair shit was to admit it to yourself.

For hours I took in the world around me. Maybe so much had escaped me I had no normal thought process of what it actually contained outside the club. Or how people dealt with shit other than violence and more violence.

Before I knew it, the sun had set and it would be dark soon. Tara had Thomas and Abel on blanket with her under the tree. They were so happy surrounded by her, the love and security she gave them. The same security and love Op had with Piney.

"Fuck." I had missed it all together. Now, I knew what had to be done and still keep us outta jail.

It was a long shot at best he would go along with this. I knew it before I decided to approach him about it. Opie could tell me to fuck off or kick the shit out of me and I'd let him. It would actually make me feel better if I took a beat down from him. It was a system of communication in the club I understood. It was how we settled everything between us. Yet, he just looked at me in disgust and put more distance there.

When he ripped open the door after I knocked, I waited for him to cuss me out or give me a punch to the face. He said and done nothing. "Do you believe in God, Op?"

"I don't believe in shit anymore, especially you." An ass kicking would have been more welcomed than those words he spoke.

"I got a way maybe we both can get what we want."

"I'm listening." Op leaned his large frame against the door. At least I had his attention now.

My old lady's face lit up like a beacon across the yard while she watched it go down. If I was looking for a sign it was a silent one but most effective. She was my beacon of hope. Tara might not understand my outlaw ways or what a bad man I really was. But she understood compassion and humanity better than I ever would. She was my savior in a lot ways. They said it takes a strong man to lead at the head of the table. It took a good strong woman to keep him straight.

 **SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~ SOA~  
**

"Nita and I are taking the boys to the farmers market to do some shopping. I want to make something special for dinner since it's our last night here. Do you want me to get you anything?"

"I'm good, babe."

She gave me a kiss before they gathered up the kids to go to town. Just to be on the safe side, I sent Rat with them. It would also give me a chance to to talk with Op again.

After they left, I showered and gathered up my dirty clothes. In the morning would leave early to go home. In the pile was the bible Nita gave me. I tossed in the suitcase, I really didn't know what else to do with it.

When the knock came at the front door, I grabbed my gun. Op had been coming in through the back off the patio. He sure as the hell wouldn't come around to the front door and knock. To my surprise the club VP was at it. "What the hell are you doing here, Bobby?" While I walked outside with Bobby to meet Chibs, he filled me in.

"We got a problem. Our secret deal ain't a secret anymore. He came to the clubhouse looking for you. Chibs rode with me. We need to figure this out before tomorrow and take it to the table. You need to hear Chibs out on how he feels about it and the rest of the club. Always hear the others out and be open minded. The day you think you know everything is the day you have the most yet to learn and lose, brother."

"Yeah, okay." Then it struck me. "How did you guys get through the gate?" Once you punched in the code, it was set on a timer. Two minutes later it slammed shut.

"The gate was open."

"Something doesn't feel right."

The words no more than left my mouth until the three of us were under fire. We ran for cover to the house. The bullets were zinging through the windows and door at us. We had hand guns and they had assault riffles. What we fired back at them wasn't getting the job done because they just kept coming inside the house.

From out of nowhere bullets were fired at the guys in ski mask over our heads. "Op lookout." He had Op in his sights, I got in between them. If one of us deserved a bullet, it was me not him.

Chibs, my man, protected me with his life. He shot the guy in the head. Jumped up on the couch and fired the riffle in every direction. "Get some mother fuckers." We stood with him just like a unified machine to take them down.

It didn't take long for those left standing to retreat. They left the bodies of their dead behind. "Check their ink."

"Jesus Christ, I had them and let them go." When their faces were uncovered, I was kicking myself.

"What, Jackie?" Chibs dropped the guy's arm to the floor.

"They were following me and Tara around town and I let them go."

We didn't know shit about them yet. What they were trying to accomplish by killing us or who sent them for the task. The uneasy feeling I had and all those night terrors were laying here before me now. What could have been worse was Tara and the boys could have been here. I wasn't afraid to die, I knew it was part of the gig I signed up for with the club. There was no way in hell I would survive if something happened to my family.

"Thanks, brother. You saved us, it's good to have you back." Bobby slapped Op on the back. It was true he put his hate aside and came to our rescue.

"I'm not back." Op wanted no more to do with the club. I couldn't blame him we never ran from chaos and death. In club you ran straight for it.

But we had to come up with a plan and fucking fast to save our asses. Not only could this shit get bloody, the club knew I went rouge and done what I wanted without a vote. I would suffer those consequences eventually.

"They came at us to wipe us all out. That can't go unanswered, brother. It sends a bad message."

"I know, we do it smart, not blind." Bobby gave the nod, he accepted and agreed with what I said. I knew when the time came he wasn't scared to pull the trigger but he it wasn't his first reaction either. He balanced my thought process a lot. Even when I didn't want to hear it.

Chibs and Bobby were gathering up bodies we had to destroy as evidence they were ever here. When I took note of all the damage done to the house, I was fucked.

"Jesus Christ, Tara is gonna kill me. Look at this fucking house."

His laughter rang out from behind me. "Yeah, she is." Op seemed to enjoy my misery.

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 **I hope you enjoyed reading me!**

 **Jax seen Tara's reaction not her words for the necklace. As she felt his emotions about not being happy in the club not his words. All a part of being an active listener ; ) Do you do these things with your partner...**

 **Thank you for marking this story as your favorite, alert or leaving a review.**

**Number 3 WAY TO LOVE; Be an active listener  
**

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**69~ The meaning. Other than the sexual one, which you know I will put in this story ; )**

_ **When angel number 69 shows up in your life, it is a message from your angels concerning the attainment of your aims and the fulfillment of your potential. ... Angel number 69 is a sign from your angels that a cycle in your home and family life is coming to an end, which means that another brand new one is just beginning.** _

_ **Angel number 6 is;** _ _ **stability, balance, love, and nurturing. Number 6 is the number of home, hearth, and family relationship** **s** _ ** _. An_ _ gel number 9 is;  _ ** **_spiritual attainment, realization of your highest potential. Number 9 represents the end of an important chapter in your life. _ **

**_Angel 69 is a combination of two angels; 6 & 9\. It is the highest angel possible to receive in your life; Tara (Angel 6) & Jax (Angel 9) _ **

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**We have a new SOA author among us. It is a great Jax/Tara story. Written by Melisa Richards1, His True North. It's under my favorites. If you read it, leave her some love.  
**

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A good reader was also a vivid dreamer. A good dreamer was also a excellent listener and learner. When your heart opened up to actually hear what they had to say the world changed around you. The way you perceived it and how you seen yourself in it. Then in some instances you changed because of it.

It took patients to listen to them speak and it took even more skills to pretend as though you were. You had to learn to read between the lines of what they actually said and what they actually meant. This only came with the true acceptance of what they had to say even when you disagreed or didn't like it.

You had to be in tuned with everything about that person. You took notice of their actions when the words came out of their mouth. You had to concentrate on their eyes, were they telling the real story. You had to welcome them in your world. You had to allow them to break through your barriers to reach you.

As my eyes popped open. It took me a minute to get my surrounds down and my mind to focus. Beside me Tara was stretched out in comfort on the bed. With a gentle hand I moved the sheet over her naked body so I wouldn't wake her up. She never got a break from the kids to sleep in. After I slipped a pair of shorts on, I had to look at her again before I left the room. The beautiful young girl I fell madly in love with. Was out shown by the woman she grew to become. Her growth was done far away from me and the life she left behind. In the end, she didn't need me for anything, she made her own way.

It was always in the back of my mind, was I worthy of her love? She was a professional, I was a criminal. She was intelligent, I was street smart. She was all that was pure virtue of goodness with the world, I was what was corrupt evil with it. Maybe I had to get just right with myself before I could get right with her love.

Although the biggest fear weighed on me daily, was would she suffer the same fate Donna had because of me? But I was fucking selfish, I couldn't and wouldn't let her go. I just had to find a better way to do this shit. My family and my club depended on it.

On my way to the kitchen I picked up the wet towels we dropped from last night. Then there was the flamingo pool toy we deflated from the fun we had bouncing on it. "I'll get another one." I wadded it up and threw it in the trash. Abel would expect it when he got here.

"Shit." When I flipped open my phone there was ten missed calls from Bobby. That was never good fucking news. All I had was a few hours off last night with Tara and it was fucking falling a part. With my smokes and phone I went out by the pool.

The same spot we loved in just hours ago took on a whole new meaning now. "What's going on?" Bobby filled me in on what I missed. "Jesus Christ, do you know who is behind it?" A new set of problems were coming around. I couldn't get past it no matter how hard I tried. Everything I done today created another mess to cleanup tomorrow. "Keep me posted. Is there anything else I need to know?"

"Brother, you're dancing in some dangerous territory with the new deal. We gotta bring it to the table. If the club finds out they won't trust you."

Bobby's words rang out in my head loud and clear. He was right they wouldn't trust me if they knew I made secret deals behind their back. But my old lady was depending on me and I couldn't let her down either. Tara never asked how I came up with the cash for her surgery and neither did the club. For now I how to play it out and hope I went in the right direction with it.

"I need you to trust me, Bobby. Keep this to yourself a little longer and I'll figure it out when I get back."

"Will do. Later."

To finally kick start the day I lit up a smoke and inhaled it deeply in my lungs. Really I didn't mind the fact I couldn't smoke in the house. It gave me an excuse to come out here and chill out. I'd never been out of Charming except for a run with the club I went on or to visit another charter. I did have the extended stay at Stockton prison the state gave me.

"Fuck." I really didn't want to vacation at Stockton again. If I couldn't get my head straight and figure some shit out, it was where I was head too.

As a leader, you didn't just lead them in an unknown direction with doubts. You had to know the way, go the way and show them it was the best way. You had to listen and hear them through the good and bad shit. The greatest leaders were not necessarily the ones who done the greatest things. You were the one who got people to do the greatest things. My old man believed that and I had to as well.

SAMCRO lost it's way after JT died. It all went to shit with Clay at the head of the table. We all went along with it and fell in to his trap. We shared the blame in it too. Would they say the same shit about me? Was I destined to die at the club's hands? Was I taking them down the same destructive path Clay had?

"Is everything alright, baby?" Tara joined me at pool side with two cups of coffee.

"Not really and I don't wanna talk about it right now. Tonight I will tell you everything, let's just enjoy the day."

"Okay."

She quietly nestled herself in the lounge cushion. Sipped her coffee and took in the scenery around us. When the wind picked up and the leaves moved to it, I was reminded about what she said last night when we laid out here together.

_"If you listen to the the trees when they sway in the wind, their leaves tell you a secret. I think it's a lost art. But not the gesture. When I lived in Chicago, the windy city. I would set in the park for hours and just watch the trees. It always gave me a sense of serenity."_

No matter how hard I searched for it, I couldn't find inner peace. At times, I longed for it but it never came around. When I asked Tara about it last night, she put in terms I couldn't miss. You couldn't find peace of mind until you listened to your heart. She made everything sound so damn simple and easy.

"What do you want to do today? My doctor's appointment is in the morning and the boys will be here tomorrow afternoon."

"I don't care, babe. You pick. I'm just along for the ride."

Tara was happy to take the lead today. Really I could have cared less what we done as long as it didn't create a bunch of bullshit for me to deal with. After we showered she made a list. It made me laugh, she had a damn list for everything. She was structured and I flew by the seat of my ass to survive.

The first stop we made was to just sight see the town. She wanted to walk around and look at stuff. It was more fascinating to watch her reaction to everything. Once I seen her face as she gazed at the necklace in the store window. I knew she had to have it. Never once had she asked for it or made a reference to it. But it made her eyes lit up like those sparkly diamonds in it.

We walked for a while until she had to use the restroom. "I'll be right back."

"Okay, babe. I'm gonna look in the gun shop and I'll meet you back here."

She snorted a bit as though she totally expected me too. "Okay."

Tara had no interest in weapons and I knew she wouldn't come looking for me there. Although, I sure didn't expect what the sales lady told me. "The necklace is nine hundred dollars."

This was where I should have said fuck no and just walked out. But I didn't. "I'll take it."

"Would you like it wrapped?"

"Yeah."

With a box wrapped in pretty paper and a bow I walked down the street happy for once. I didn't wake up this morning with the sick feeling I always had. The nightmares didn't invade me last night either. Maybe there was something to this vacation shit that made you a happier person.

As a mother was passing me on the street. She tried to keep all her children together and near her. They didn't have a care in the world, they were exploring it. But she knew the danger of what the world actually held for them. It reminded of Tara and how she was with the boys.

That was when it was all made painfully clear to me. When you were a child, there was joy. There was laughter. And most of all, there was trust. Trust in your fellow man. When you were an adult, then came suspicion, hatred, and fear. If children ran the world, it would be a place of eternal bliss. Adults run the world; and there was war, enmity, and destruction unending.

The store window I stood in front of showed me a man of hate and fear. It was my own refection. As I stared at the man, I couldn't remember myself before the world labeled me for who I was. JT wrote he had lost himself in the club, he lost his humanity in the club.

When the black SUV with dark windows slowly edged by me, I snapped out of it. It cast a shadow on me and I no longer saw the man in the window. All I seen was danger headed around the corner. I ran to get to her. She was standing in the exact spot we were suppose to meet at surfing on her phone. "Tara." I screamed her name as I rounded the buildings to get her attention.

As she spun around to follow the sound of my voice. The van pulled up to the curb beside her. Three of them exited it with grey coveralls on. It was an instant reaction, it wasn't a calculated response from me. I didn't even think before I reached around and pulled my gun out. As soon as I reached them I slammed the one I grabbed up against the vehicle.

"What the hell is your problem, man?"

In the back of it was fucking flowers. I looked around to see a florist in front of us. Then I noticed the logo embroidered on their overalls; Hill Flower Farm. "I'm sorry I thought you were someone else." I pulled out a couple hundred dollars and offered it in peace to the guy. "I'd appreciate it if you'd keep this between us." He followed what I was saying. He shoved the money in his pocket and went on with his business.

"What is going on?"

"We need to get out of here." I escorted her quickly back to the car. My hand never left the small of her back until she was inside of it.

"Well, no shit, Jax."

Tara was a little irritated with me at the moment, rightfully so. We drove to the next town to have lunch. I promised she could do what she wanted to today. Never had I thought being relaxed and taking it easy could be so damn hard.

There was an outside place with fancy dishes on the table and umbrellas overhead in a matching pattern. While the waiter showed us to a spot, I watched the people around us. Some had ice tea while others sipped from a Champagne glass. With the way they were dressed and acted, I felt out of place. But not Tara she seemed to belong among them.

They brought us a roll Tara ordered which I had no idea what it was. The outer crust had powdered sugar and a fucking ton of it. She must have noticed my confusion. "It's a Beignet, a french pastry. They are really good. But don't inhale when you take a bite."

Hell, I didn't listen though I ended up with powdered sugar all over my face and in my hair even. When Tara leaned over and licked the thick coat of sugar from my lips, we both enjoyed it. I couldn't stop smiling at her. "I like it when you're happy, Jax."

"I'm always happy."

"No, baby you are not happy most of the time. I can see it. Even more so since you took over the gavel, the club is starting to get to you."

"The club is a part of me. It makes me happy, it's who I am."

"If the club makes you happy. Why are you always so damn sad?"

It wasn't a trick question Tara wanted to know about. There were no correct or incorrect answers to it. Yet, I had no fucking come back for it. So I done what I could to distract from it. It was another trait I mastered lately. "I'm not like you, babe. I don't have this inner peace to me or the time for it. I never get to distance myself from the club."

"If you distance yourself from all the negative, you will be peaceful without trying, Jax. After I left Charming, it made a huge difference."

"Are you sorry you came back?" There were a lot ways she could answer. I had to man up enough to just ask the question. Then brace myself for what she had to say about it.

"Not at all. I have you and my sons. It's all I need."

Tara was true to her words. She squeezed my hand in hers. She just held on to me and didn't let go. All the while I lied to everyone who I could get to believe me. The problem was, I believed the lies myself I've told over and over.

Finally I shook it off and was gonna end this outing on a happy note. I pulled the box outta my sweatshirt and set it by her plate. She let out a gasp before the smile came.

"What is it?"

"Open it, babe."

"Oh, Jax...this is...wow. It's beautiful and you are so sweet for getting it for me. But we can't afford it right now."

"You let me worry about money." It went immediately around her neck. She actually deserved more than I could give her.

"Thank you. I love you, Jax."

"I love you too, babe."

We spent the rest of the day just doing nothing at all but we done it together. The ballgame was on television when we got back. I couldn't remember the last time I caught one. Tara occupied herself with something else and told me to watch it while she was busy. I stretched out on the overstuffed couch. I had found my happy place right here. With a beer in my hand I killed the evening off with nothing on my mind except baseball.

In the process I must have passed out at some point. Something was touching my face when I woke up to candles being the only light in the room. Tara had dangled the end of a whips leather straps across my cheek. "Hi, sleepy head."

"What time is it?"

"Time for you to obey."

The whip slapped against the palm of her hand to show me she was in charge. She stood over me in something I never thought I'd see her in, a leather bra and panties. Her hair was swept to one side with a red rose clipped to it. It stood out against her dark hair. But it was her lips which fascinated me. The dark red lipstick she wore was nothing like normal. When they moved to speak, I licked my own.

"For the next hour, give me total control over you. Give me all your worries and fears too. I want all of you." My mouth hung open because fuck if I knew what to say back. The whip went under my chin to be lifted up by it to meet her eyes. "Are you listening to me?" When I didn't answer, I felt the wrath of her new obsession. Those leather straps strung my inner thigh as she brought it down hard on me. "This is where you say yes and obey me. Trust me completely."

Finally I stammered the word out. "Yes."

"Good, now follow me."

It was the movement of her hips I actually followed, as they shifted from side to side, it mesmerized me. I wasn't sure what the fuck happened while I slept but I liked it. We went to the bedroom, I didn't know what the thing was on the bed. But she forcefully pushed me down to it and pulled my shorts off herself. She didn't ask she just took what she wanted.

"Bend over it. Let it all go and give your power to me."

The hard leather wedge I propped my body over felt cold to my skin, it left me head down and ass up. It left me open and vulnerable. I was completely exposed to her in a weak state. To some degree I liked it but I'd never admit it. I wasn't the strong man everyone looked to for answers right now. I wasn't the one who was responsible for everyone. I wasn't anything but her boy toy to be played with.

With a small amount of pressure applied Tara straddled the back of my head while the whip done what it was intended for. With each strike against my ass, I released a little more of my power to her. I surrendered without a struggle. Her finger tips made contact with the burn left behind on my sensitive skin. It was a relief from the pain but it was the sweetest pain I'd ever felt. She was still taking my raw pain away. In life pain caused scars which would never heal, she put me on the road to a recovery with the cure of her love.

"Do you trust me?" Those red lips were right at eye level when she knelled on the floor before me. She was in total control but still submissive before me too.

"Yes."

It was all that had to be said for her to progress to become more dominant over me. This was new positions for us both. She pushed me off the wedge and I let her. When she pulled out the handcuffs, I was hard as a rock. Through the wooden slats of the headboard she pulled them through it, then locked my wrist securely.

But she wasn't through with that damn whip yet. The leather straps were dragged up my legs then she teased my balls them. The straps were wrapped around her hand as they helped her rub my cock. She stroked me hard and so fast, I almost lost it then. I'd always been in control of my orgasms, but not this time. She had taken control of them too and she done it with a sexy smile on her face because she knew.

When she finally straddled me with her panties still on and I felt her bare pussy rub against my cock through them. I went to grab her hips to move them faster. But I couldn't, because she took that control away from me too as the handcuffs stopped me.

Inch by inch Tara took me inside her, she was in no hurry to get us there. She controlled the movement, she controlled the pace and she controlled my heart and body. It was a full on rodeo in the bed. She rode me like a wild bucking bronco, breaking me little by little. Just as I was close to cumming I felt those stiff straps of leather with her authority come down on my balls. I was done for. But she kept going. Her head went back and she didn't get off this ride until I was completely limp. She couldn't get anymore to release from me.

In an instant the sexy bedroom master went back to my sweet Tara. She hummed as she slipped off the bra and panties to throw on one of my t-shirts. The rose came out of her hair too. With a run of her hand through it, my woman was back before my eyes.

"Do you want something to drink?"

She was off to the kitchen while I remained in cuff. "Are you going to take them off?"

"Only if you are a good boy."

"Love you."

Tara glanced over her shoulder on the way out. You could still see those red plump lips of hers. "You should."

We went to sleep shortly after. The night offered a refuge it hadn't before. I slept like a baby until Tara shook me it was time to get up already. We had to hustle to make it to her doctor's appointment.

The waiting room was packed too when we arrived. Tara filled out all her paperwork to see the doctor. I could tell she was nervous about it all. She rubbed her hand and said nothing to me. This was a make it or break it moment.

"Tara Teller. The doctor will see you now."

Before we went through the door Tara expressed those concerns. "What if this doesn't work? What if I lose use of my hand?"

"Babe, if we have to we will find another doctor and another. Until we get our hand fixed. Lets hear what he has to say then we will get a plan together."

"Okay." What she said wasn't how she actually felt.

It was another wait game until the doctor came in. I rubbed Tara's shoulders because she was tense as hell. When he came in her whole body was stiff.

"I'm Doctor Richards. Lets get started."Tara went through the surgeries she already had with him and what pain she felt in her hand.

He turn on the machine and brought up the inside of it on the screen. "See this, right here, it is what is causing your pain. It was severed in the accident. I think we can fix it."

"Will I have total use of my hand again?"

"At this point, I say you will have one hundred percent use of your hand again. But, it will take about six months after the operation. With down time for the healing process and physical therapy."

It was the most important question to me. "When can you do the surgery?"

"In two weeks."

Tara set perfectly still and quiet. While I let out a sigh of relief. After the doctor left I broke the silence. 'Babe, are you okay?"

"I never thought I'd operate again or do a lot of things."

"We will do whatever it takes to get this done." As I wiped the tears that ran down her face away. She leaned her head into my chest.

Tara was in a fragile state. She had always been a loving and caring person. But I realized she was daring and brave too. The repair of her hand had faded to an irreparable loss. But now, there was some hope. This life didn't always supply what we hoped for but it was close by this time.

Just like it was close to time for the boys to get here. We rushed back to the house after I made the down payment on Tara's surgery. She eased up a bit on the drive. We had fun together it only being us.

But, she was anxious to see the boys. They were just as anxious to see her. Abel went running to her as soon as we pulled up. Thomas's little arms and legs went crazy when his mother came in his view.

"Where am I staying?"

"There is a guest house past the pool. You and Opie can say there. Will you carry Nita's things in. I'll show you where to put them." Rat done what Tara had asked him to. For the most part he never gave me any flack or trouble.

Nita made certain I hadn't forgotten about our deal. "The revival starts at 7:00 p.m. tonight."

"Yes ma'am I'll be there."

Op was the last one left. He was taking his stuff out of the saddlebags. I had to reach out to him in hope he would back to me. "Did everything go alright on the trip here?"

"There is nothing alright between us, Jax. So, lets not play fucking pretend."

**SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~S** OA~SOA~

When I woke I had to scoot out from underneath Tara. She had her head on my chest with her body draped across me and was sleeping still. Something over night had changed inside me. I had the sick feeling again. It made my stomach ache. I should've know the eased feeling I had wouldn't last long. I ran cold water over my face but didn't seem to help cool me off any.

Last night had about done me in. I told Tara I didn't feel well after the revival and wanted to go lay down. The truth was I had no clue what the fuck happened to me during it. The whispers turned to shouts in my head. There were a hundred conversations going on all at the same time. Not to mention I felt as though I was on fire down to my soul. What ran through my mind while I slept made no sense or at least what I could remember about it. As I wiped my face with the towel, from my reflection, I looked terrible in the bathroom mirror. Like I had a drunken all nighter but I knew damn well I hadn't.

From there I stumbled my way around this huge house to the kitchen. The boys were still out too when I passed by the room they slept in. There were so many switches for different shit it took me a minute to find the one which made the light work.

Just to get a glass of ice and water. I had to push a bunch of buttons on the refrigerator. One I pushed made the door transparent and you could see inside of it. "Well, look at that shit." I'd never heard of such a thing let alone seen it. "Maybe I need to get out more."

At least the faucet was old fashion. You turned the handle and water came out until you turned it off. The coffee pot didn't look too difficult to operate either. When I found cups I poured me one. As I looked up I seen Nita out by the pool. It was barely daylight and she was out there knitting.

"Mind if I join you?" She and I weren't exactly on a comfortable level with each other. She never spoke to me unless I spoke to her first. Tara loved her and Nita was good to my boys. But I still waited until she said it was okay before I set down with her. "Did you stay for the end of the revival last night?"

"I did. It was a very spiritual event. Did you like it?" I only nodded because what he hell was I suppose to say to her. "You know God speaks to us in various ways and through various things. I've heard of people touched by religious experiences when they hear his word for the first time."

"How do you know it's a religious experience?" This wasn't exactly my area of expertise. She seemed like a pro at it.

"From your actions last night. I'd say you had one. There are three types; the intellectual it will change the way of think about religion. The moral compass: a change in behavior, rejecting a destructive lifestyle in favor of a new, better one. Then the social experience: the acceptance of a new social group and way of worship. You tell me, child, which one you had?"

"I should get back so if the boys wake up." This was where this conversation ended. Nita was good at this shit. She didn't just imply it, she fucking said it to you. But, when in this spot I done what I always done. Deflected to something else.

"You can't run from it. God will start showing you signs and you can't ignore them. Mine came after I lost my baby girl. I was a horrible person and mother back then. I took my child with me to a drug deal, it went bad and she was shot. Since then, I dedicated my life to God and taking care of babies. I can't bring my little girl back but now, I can at least say, I am the kind of person she can be proud of."

"I should go." Once more I stated the obvious to her, I was leaving. I was uncomfortable with the topic and had to get away from her.

"Take this with you." She riffled through the bag of yarn. When she handed it to me, I hesitated to take it. "It's small and will fit in your pocket. I imagine your friends wouldn't be impressed if they knew you had it." She called the club my friends but they were my family. They stood with me in a time of uncertainty and chaos. I trusted them as much with my life as they done me with theirs.

"Thanks."

At the kitchen table I felt the cover of the bible Nita gave me. The rich leather felt like a cut to me. It was wild how I could associate a holy thing to a biker thing. Tara came up from behind me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Good morning." She noticed it too as I tossed it down. "Where did it come from?"

"Nita gave it to me."

"She is such a nice lady."

Tara continued to fluttered around the kitchen to fill up a basket. She selected muffins and fruit for it. I took notice when she bent over to something from the frig for it. I worked on the cup of coffee in front of me while she finished it off with a big bow tied on it.

"Where are you going, babe?"

"To take this to Opie and Rat."

From the kitchen window I watched my old lady walk across the lawn to the guest house. Her white cotton dress became one with her body. The sun shined down on her dark hair which contrasted the pure color. You could barley see the shadow of the outline of her body from the dress. She looked so beautiful, her look was radiant. Maybe I had never payed attention before just how much.

Since she came back to Charming. I hadn't seen her out of the role of the boy's mother, a doctor out to save the world and my old lady. The last couple of days had opened my eyes a lot. I'd seen many different sides to this complex, daring and delicate creature. Maybe I hadn't taken the time to notice her. But I sure had seen her in a new way now.

Op meet her before she ever made it there. There were no doubts how he viewed me. You didn't have to ask, he made it obviously known. But what I didn't know or see until they stood out there and talked for a bit was how comfortable they were with each other. Always before they had nothing in common other than me. I was what made them even be around each other.

When Tara got back I had to ask her. "How did you get Op to come here?"

"I asked him to."

"That's it, you just asked him?"

"Well, I did make him a carrot cake."

"A cake?"

"Don't you remember when Mary used to make them for his birthday and other special occasions?"

The blank stare across my face probably gave her what she needed to know. I had to go back so many damn years to when we were just kids. It seemed like a lifetime ago. Since I could bring back something pleasant from my childhood. It made me think about it for a while.

Tara had already gathered up the boys things to go to zoo. By the time I realized it was time to go. "Daddy, come on." Abel took my hand to get me out of the chair. At his age everything was fun and urgent.

"I packed us a picnic lunch. I think the boys will like it." Tara's words froze me in place. The last time we done this, I could have lost my family.

"Daddy, lets go already."

It put me on edge. Maybe it was paranoia setting in. Or maybe it was a repeat of what was to come still. I watched every car that came close to us on the highway. When we got out, I helped Tara get the stroller out from the back for Thomas. I took note of our surrounds. Who was out and about. Along with exit routes.

"Jax."

"Yeah."

"Are you alright baby?"

"Yeah."

Our first stop was by the tiger house. He was huge and definitely the master of his domain. The giant rock seemed small as he stretched his body out to sun. Tara read the facts to Abel about them. "Lions have a deep and bellowing roar, whereas tigers have this savage and in-your face kind of a battle cry." Fuck, I lived in the jungle of the street and I sure had the same approach, in your face.

My son made a claw with his little fist. "Rar..rar..." I'll admit it was cute as shit.

Tara done a good job with them. She wanted to make sure the boys seen everything and took a lot of pictures of them. When we walked through the bird habitat, one of them crapped on me. "Sure, shit on me, everyone else does." She laughed as she took out a wet wipe and wiped it off my shirt.

The next stop was to rest while we waited on the train so we didn't have to walk back. When I checked my phone we had spent fours hours here already. Thomas was about out and Abel was still going strong. I set with the boys while Tara went to get our tickets to ride.

Abel cranked the handle on the machine next to us. "Do you want one?"

"Please." Another good thing their mother had done with them, she taught them manners and respect. I'd like to take some of the credit for it but I was never around. Or not around enough anyway.

You put in two quarters and one penny in the machine. Then cranked the handle. It flattened out the penny to emboss an animal imprint on it. I let him keep doing it with all the quarters I had. He couldn't wait to show his mother.

"Look what me and Daddy did."

"Cool. Do you want me to put them in my bag so you don't loose them?"

Abel gave her all of them but one, the tiger penny went in his pocket. But his face told the store when the train pulled up. It was innocent child who was happy. I was so grateful at this moment to be a part of it.

"What sound does a train make, Abel?"

"Choo...choo...choo."

"Good job, baby."

Tara worked with them to encourage their development and growth. She always made time for them. She was always there for them too. "Good job, Mom."

"For what?"

"For just being you, babe."

Abel wanted to stay on the train when it came to a stop. But it was time to feed them and head back. Tara picked out the spot we stopped at. When I got out a looked around, she watched me. I shrugged it off as nothing. But she knew differently. Although she went on to spread out the blanket and food.

We didn't stay long until we headed back. The boys were tired but Tara took them out back to play. If they went to bed now, they would be up all night long. Thomas still fell asleep in her arms. She rocked him out by the pool. It made me smile when Abel caught his second wind.

But I stopped smiling when I spoke to him and he passed me by like I was invisible to him, I really was in eyes. "Hey, Op."

He went straight to Tara. It wasn't as though I was jealous of them. I was jealous he connected with my old lady in ways he didn't with me anymore. So, I had to try again. I went to join them.

"Maybe you didn't hear me. I spoke to you."

"Conceited people never hear anything but praise. I won't do that shit just because you're Jax fucking Teller. I've always been straight with you and the gavel don't change shit for me. To bad it does for you."

Op spoke the words which were now engraved on my heart. Maybe he was right, I lost my way too in the process of this shit. When we only heard and valued our own voices it echoed the emptiness inside us. I felt like I had been gutted by him and wouldn't be whole again until I set shit right. It was still a long road to get to. Especially when he walked away because he was tired of what I had to say.

Maybe it was to hear my own head rattle because Tara was the only one around who heard it. Maybe it was to soothe my own guilty. "There is nothing I can do."

"You rule the club with an iron fist and I get why, baby. I really do. But I agree with Opie on this. Piney died at the hands of a club member, there is no going back from that for him. Opie wants justice for his father. He is owed that much especially after Donna's death he didn't revenge within the club." I was in a catch twenty two position. There were two possible outcomes; I crushed my club or I crushed Op. I had no good come back to what Tara said. But she kept trying to reach me. She set my son in front of me on the table. "You look at Thomas and tell me. What would you except your sons to do if you were murdered by a member of your own club?"

Before I could respond I had to swallow hard the loathing stuck in my throat. There was no way I could stand to look in the face of my son or wife. "I can't do that."

"Then you can't repair the damage done to Opie. You are the club president. You decide what happens and what doesn't. You alone interrupt the rules then bend them accordingly. I've seen it. So, this one is on you."

The penitent ripple of her voice was the same as a cold dossing rain on my soul. But I knew I was as guilty as she made me sound. I didn't have to read between the lines to see my old was ashamed of me. Just like Op's hate, I felt it.

"Hell, I'm ashamed of myself enough for the both of us." Tara had already took Thomas to get Abel to play. Sure, she couldn't hear me but I said it out loud anyway. The first act to repair shit was to admit it to yourself.

For hours I took in the world around me. Maybe so much had escaped me I had no normal thought process of what it actually contained outside the club. Or how people dealt with shit other than violence and more violence.

Before I knew it, the sun had set and it would be dark soon. Tara had Thomas and Abel on blanket with her under the tree. They were so happy surrounded by her, the love and security she gave them. The same security and love Op had with Piney.

"Fuck." I had missed it all together. Now, I knew what had to be done and still keep us outta jail.

It was a long shot at best he would go along with this. I knew it before I decided to approach him about it. Opie could tell me to fuck off or kick the shit out of me and I'd let him. It would actually make me feel better if I took a beat down from him. It was a system of communication in the club I understood. It was how we settled everything between us. Yet, he just looked at me in disgust and put more distance there.

When he ripped open the door after I knocked, I waited for him to cuss me out or give me a punch to the face. He said and done nothing. "Do you believe in God, Op?"

"I don't believe in shit anymore, especially you." An ass kicking would have been more welcomed than those words he spoke.

"I got a way maybe we both can get what we want."

"I'm listening." Op leaned his large frame against the door. At least I had his attention now.

My old lady's face lit up like a beacon across the yard while she watched it go down. If I was looking for a sign it was a silent one but most effective. She was my beacon of hope. Tara might not understand my outlaw ways or what a bad man I really was. But she understood compassion and humanity better than I ever would. She was my savior in a lot ways. They said it takes a strong man to lead at the head of the table. It took a good strong woman to keep him straight.

**SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~ SOA~  
**

"Nita and I are taking the boys to the farmers market to do some shopping. I want to make something special for dinner since it's our last night here. Do you want me to get you anything?"

"I'm good, babe."

She gave me a kiss before they gathered up the kids to go to town. Just to be on the safe side, I sent Rat with them. It would also give me a chance to to talk with Op again.

After they left, I showered and gathered up my dirty clothes. In the morning would leave early to go home. In the pile was the bible Nita gave me. I tossed in the suitcase, I really didn't know what else to do with it.

When the knock came at the front door, I grabbed my gun. Op had been coming in through the back off the patio. He sure as the hell wouldn't come around to the front door and knock. To my surprise the club VP was at it. "What the hell are you doing here, Bobby?" While I walked outside with Bobby to meet Chibs, he filled me in.

"We got a problem. Our secret deal ain't a secret anymore. He came to the clubhouse looking for you. Chibs rode with me. We need to figure this out before tomorrow and take it to the table. You need to hear Chibs out on how he feels about it and the rest of the club. Always hear the others out and be open minded. The day you think you know everything is the day you have the most yet to learn and lose, brother."

"Yeah, okay." Then it struck me. "How did you guys get through the gate?" Once you punched in the code, it was set on a timer. Two minutes later it slammed shut.

"The gate was open."

"Something doesn't feel right."

The words no more than left my mouth until the three of us were under fire. We ran for cover to the house. The bullets were zinging through the windows and door at us. We had hand guns and they had assault riffles. What we fired back at them wasn't getting the job done because they just kept coming inside the house.

From out of nowhere bullets were fired at the guys in ski mask over our heads. "Op lookout." He had Op in his sights, I got in between them. If one of us deserved a bullet, it was me not him.

Chibs, my man, protected me with his life. He shot the guy in the head. Jumped up on the couch and fired the riffle in every direction. "Get some mother fuckers." We stood with him just like a unified machine to take them down.

It didn't take long for those left standing to retreat. They left the bodies of their dead behind. "Check their ink."

"Jesus Christ, I had them and let them go." When their faces were uncovered, I was kicking myself.

"What, Jackie?" Chibs dropped the guy's arm to the floor.

"They were following me and Tara around town and I let them go."

We didn't know shit about them yet. What they were trying to accomplish by killing us or who sent them for the task. The uneasy feeling I had and all those night terrors were laying here before me now. What could have been worse was Tara and the boys could have been here. I wasn't afraid to die, I knew it was part of the gig I signed up for with the club. There was no way in hell I would survive if something happened to my family.

"Thanks, brother. You saved us, it's good to have you back." Bobby slapped Op on the back. It was true he put his hate aside and came to our rescue.

"I'm not back." Op wanted no more to do with the club. I couldn't blame him we never ran from chaos and death. In club you ran straight for it.

But we had to come up with a plan and fucking fast to save our asses. Not only could this shit get bloody, the club knew I went rouge and done what I wanted without a vote. I would suffer those consequences eventually.

"They came at us to wipe us all out. That can't go unanswered, brother. It sends a bad message."

"I know, we do it smart, not blind." Bobby gave the nod, he accepted and agreed with what I said. I knew when the time came he wasn't scared to pull the trigger but he it wasn't his first reaction either. He balanced my thought process a lot. Even when I didn't want to hear it.

Chibs and Bobby were gathering up bodies we had to destroy as evidence they were ever here. When I took note of all the damage done to the house, I was fucked.

"Jesus Christ, Tara is gonna kill me. Look at this fucking house."

His laughter rang out from behind me. "Yeah, she is." Op seemed to enjoy my misery.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading me!**

**Jax seen Tara's reaction not her words for the necklace. As she felt his emotions about not being happy in the club not his words. All a part of being an active listener ; ) Do you do these things with your partner...**


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